Insert Witty Blog Name Here

Be Careful What You Ask For...

2011-11-22T15:21:00.000-08:00

Time certainly flies, doesn't it?

I obtained a job a month ago. Once again, one of my snarky cover letters got the best responses - this one read Office Minion Seeks Evil Genius and that's pretty much what I ended up with.

Actually, he's not evil - just a bit stubborn and opinionated but as he's been more successful in business than I can even dream of, I'm not in a position to criticize.

I'm also not in a position to name names, so please don't ask.

A year ago, I was packing for the cruise ship job and unaware of the complete and utter implosion that was about to occur in my life.

Two years ago, my husband was dying.

On average, I'll say that the trend is improving.

I'll post a meaningful entry just as soon as I can think of something to write about.

Oh My...

2011-08-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

So, it's been almost a year since I made an update and for that, I must apologize.

Those of you who know me know the underlying circumstances. If you're a stranger, you'll have to ask. Suffice it to say that I didn't cope with the death of my husband nearly as well as I thought I had. Oops.

News of note:

- I am living in North Oakland in a place that is tiny but mine, mine, mine!

- Jack-cat is with me, too. Unfortunately, Tigger had to be euthanized a few weeks ago but at 19 years old, it was hardly unexpected.

- In an almost spooky turn of fate, Tigger's doppelganger showed up in my life the day after Tigger died. His name is Pixel and Jack is grudgingly accepting his presence.

- And, oh yeah, I won 1.29% of a Hugo award! Chicks Dig Time Lords - an anthology to which I contributed - won the 2011 Hugo for Best Related Work and yes, I'm going to work that into every conversation I have for the next six months. At least.

The 1.29% figure is a joke re: how much goes to the editors (who are, properly speaking, the folks who won, duh) and how much the contributors may claim.

I've stopped saying "Life could be worse" because everything goes pear-shaped whenever I use that phrase but, at the moment, things are pretty good.

I just need to find me a job and all will be well. If you happen to know of anyone in need of an awesome executive assistant / customer service / presentation staff-type person, do let me know. ;)

Consulting The Oracle

2010-09-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Difficulty at the Beginning

(changing to)

The Turning Point/Turning Back

This is the time for small, focused efforts, not vast and chaotic expenditures of energy, which would just turn out to be a waste anyway. Shake off bad habits and remind yourself of a long-term goal/strategy - and get back to work on it. Self-reliance is essential and, indeed, the only option at this point.

This is just about the nicest way I've heard the sentiment "Quit sulking and get back to work, dammit" ever expressed. ;)

Sorry If You're Getting Bored With the Bellybutton...

2010-08-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

I suppose it's a logical continuation from the previous post on the subject. I feel like I've moved into a more active phase of my recovery from Alex's death.

A large whack of anhedonia remains - a rough time at a recent social event proved that - but the fact that I was even able to face the event was good. I also find myself offering to do things for other folks. For instance, I helped a pal with some household chores yesterday - hardly earthshaking, but more than I've done for anyone else in, erm, a couple of years, I suppose. *blush*

It probably sounds pithy, but I feel like I've gone from grieving to recovering - they are related, but not the same thing. I'm braced for things to temporarily suck when the first anniversary rolls around but... such suckage is only to be expected, methinks. At least I'll be somewhat prepared for it.

Now I "only" need to land myself that darn cruise ship job I'm coveting and I might start feeling fully functional again!

More Gazing At The Bellybutton...

2010-07-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

So, I'm hesitant to call it "acceptance", but I've turned some sort of corner with the grieving process. I think.

As mentioned on my more-private journal, things are hurting less. I can think about Alex and not feel like someone just punched me in the gut - not bad for seven months and twenty six days¹. More to the point, the pain has changed - from punch in the gut to wistful ache.

I've been warned by many learned sources (letters after their names and whatnot) that I'm potentially dancing on a landmine, that things can feel much worse 8 - 12 months after a loss. Heaven knows, I operated on shock and autopilot for the first three months or so...

But, honestly? I don't think things can get any worse than they were in late May/early June. Oh, I was functional - more so than earlier in the year, in may respects - but I was so lonely, I could barely move for the misery. And yet, I still rejected social invitations, and went out of my way to isolate myself because...

...Actually, I'm not sure of the because. An unpleasant mixture of self-loathing, survivor's guilt and a general unwillingness to quit wallowing in misery for reasons various². If I convinced myself I was too lonely/bereaved/depressed to do anything then, surely I'd be absolved of responsibility for, er, not doing anything, right?

Um. Wrong.

But that kind of slough of despond is something a person can remain utterly unaware of until they're climbing out of it - or, at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But life circumstances are prodding me along, whether I like it or not. I have to find a new job, I have cats to feed. Life, indeed, goes on.

Going along with it seems to be much more beneficial than trying to ignore it. How silly of me to forget that.

¹ - not that I'm counting, or anything.
² - Depression! It f*cks you up in new and interesting ways!

FluffFluffFluff

2010-07-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

Things That Make Me Stupidly Happy

- The ongoing tolerance of my friends. Actually, that's more a sense of relief than happiness, most days, but it makes me happy, too.

- Pictures of kittens. Or puppies. Or practically any baby mammal. And some reptiles, now that I think of it.

- The real thing ain't so bad, either. Am I the only person out there who thinks baby crocodiles are adorable?

- Good chocolate. Really, really good chocolate.

- Reading silly feel-good stories in the media about good Samaritans, selfless actions, etc, etc. (Watching Doctor Who counts, btw...)

- Big squooshy hugs. Ideally from the aforementioned friends.

- Laughter that isn't at someone else's expense - except maybe my own.

- Ripe peaches. Really. For sheer innocent-yet-sybaritic pleasure, you can't beat a fresh, ripe peach.

- Outrageous flattery (I'm only human!)

- A well-fitted bra (see above)

- A proper soak in a hot bath/tub, which translates to a potential risk of drowning, particularly when one includes a good book, a cup of tea and various other distractions. Worth it, though...

Insert Obligatory Shakespeare / Momento Mori Quote Here

2010-07-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

I'm in an unusually good mood, today, so I'm going to indulge in the back-handed sort of irony of which we Brits (and expat Brits) are all too fond and finally write the complete downer of an entry that has been on my mind for quite a while.

When my mother died, she went quite peacefully. I had been with her for the past month, helping my father and my auntie look after her.

(Parenthentical note: anyone who thinks "Big Pharma" is evil has never taken a loved one through hospice. I would write a thank-you note to the inventors of liquid morphine, were it possible.)

Mum had spent the day saying goodbye to everyone - in that deeply saddening 'gone already' sort of way, not Little Home on The Prarie Heartwarming way - and the hospice caregiver warned us that Susan would go within a few hours.

Auntie, Popster and I went to our respective beds to try to get some sleep. I didn't bother undressing, to be honest. Three hours later, the caregiver woke us up. At the time, I didn't have a chance to wonder how the caregiver knew, but a large part of the reason that she was there was because she had been through this - lots of times - whereas my family were having to make it up as we went along.

In the end, it was all very quiet. She was unconcious, but breathing, and then... not.

I thought that, as such things go, that was about as good as it could be.

Fast forward four and a half years, and I'm faced with my husband, Alex, going through a similar situation. The cancer had gotten it's "A" game on, thrown off the shackles of chemotherapy and had, eventually, spread from its point of origin to his liver, lungs, spine and throat.

We talked with the oncologist and Alex decided to stop treatment. He kept asking my opinion, and I had to keep telling him that this was a decision he had to make for himself - not do what he thought I wanted, especially given that what I wanted was impossible (First, get a time machine...)

The only experience I had to draw on was that with my mother and, frankly, I thanked circumstance for having that much to go on. Once again, I went through the big fat folder of information thoughtfully provided by the hospital and tried to memorize as much as I could. The cheery, canary-yellow page detailing symptoms of final decline was moderately terrible to read but it wasn't like I couldn't pretend it was going to happen.

With Alex's permission, I had gone out of town over Thanksgiving, to a science fiction convention. Indeed, the last fully coherent conversation we had was on a Sunday morning, my asking him for reassurance that it was okay that I'd gone away. He insisted that of course it was alright and it was worth more than his life (so to speak) to have gotten between my meeting Actor X for the first time. At this point, we both thought he had at least another two months to go.

Eight hours later, Alex's sister (our housemate) called and told me that "something" had happened and that she believed Alex was dying.

I wouldn't be able to get home for another twelve hours. The interim was quite unpleasant and I owe a debt of gratitude to everyone at Chicago TARDIS for being as kind and as sympathetic as they were.

I returned home. Alex was there, but he wasn't. Only during moments of extreme stress or discomfort did he manage to articulate anything and, believe me, his sister and I did our damnedest to minimize those moments.

A hospital bed was delivered the next afternoon - the hospice nurse had said Alex would be much more comfortable in that, and I knew she was right. So, somewhat farcically, SIL, her boyfriend and I relocated Alex into the bed in the living room - the only place where there was space for it.

People called me, asking if they could say goodbye. I told them to stay away. Truth was, the person we knew was already gone, and I knew that neither Alex, nor his friends, would want their last memory of him to be of some vacant-eyed, emaciated meatsack. To this day, I feel both guilty and relieved that I stood by his wishes.

It had been a long day. Moving Alex had been extremely stressful, for everyone. He didn't understand what we were doing but, by god, he didn't like being rousted out of bed and manhandled across the house. I don't blame him.

Alex and Melissa's father was visiting. Based on my scanty experience, and without the wisdom of the caregiver who'd looked after mom - I called her that day, hoping to hire her. Voice mail - I thought Alex had a day or two left. He'd calmed down from the afternoon, and had had enough morphine to apparently ease his discomfort, but he no longer acknowledged/recognized attempts to communicate with him.

At Alex's memorial, I mentioned that almost until the end, I would say "I love you" and he'd reply, Han-Solo fashion "I know" - a long standing in-joke between us. He wasn't even responding to that any more, but at least he seemed comfortable enough.

I remembered that my mother survived for two weeks in a twilight state. It was dinner-time. I needed a break. So I retreated into my bedroom, realizing with a twinge as I sat on the bed that my last night in bed with my husband had been and gone. I thought I'd read for a few minutes, then try to figure out something to eat. Yeah, dinner, that's a good idea.

Then Alex called - yelled - my name. It was the first coherent sound he'd made in hours. The urgency in his voice had me throwing my book down and running across the house at a breakneck speed. Whatever it was, it was important.

I reached his bedside. Missy and father-in-law were already there. Alex seemed to be awake - looking around, but not quite seeing anyone. His breath rasped, as if he had a bad cold - and then I remembered the cheerfully canary-colored information sheet.

I thought a death rattle was some sort of literary invention. Apparently not.

He struggled to breathe for I don't know how long while we all tried to keep ourselves together as we told him it was okay to let go. Maybe a minute later, it all... stopped. It was both abrupt and seamless, in its way.

Again, compared to many possibilities, it was a "good" way to go - heavily medicated and surrounded by family. But it was still lousy - for more than just the obvious reason.

I'm convinced that Alex was aware enough to know what was happening - else why call out at that last moment? My mother was sedated and, following several days of delirium, mercifully asleep when her last moments came. I had imagined that's how it would be for Alex: a quiet decline into coma and death.

Intellectually, I know that Alex's self-awareness must have been greatly diminished. Emotionally, I can't help thinking that he knew. I often wonder what he was thinking. Was he angry? Resigned? Tired as hell? All three, I suspect.

Against all logic, I feel guilty that he didn't slip quietly away. It's the classic mix of feeling that I should have been able to do more (whatever that would be) and one part ranting at life's unfairness.

Over the past seven months, I've not tried to put Alex's last moments out of my mind, but I've tried to put them to rest - ironically enough. At this point, I think the only thing that's going to do it is time. Until then, I'll keep second-guessing myself.

I've been wanting to share this for quite some time, but there's never really been a "right" time for it. I decided that whenever I managed to write it down, that would be as close to the "right" time as I was going to get.

No pat conclusion. No pithy insight into the foibles of life - just the end of the page.

Postscript: apparently I have shared this story already with folks. Several times. One of the dubious delights of post-traumatic shock: a memory that makes a mayfly's akin to an elephants. Sorry if I've bored y'all by repetition. I don't think it'll happen again.

Running Away to Sea - Q&A

2010-07-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

You've been working in an office for over ten years. Why the sudden change?

It's hardly sudden. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I've never been terribly happy in the paper-pushing environment. Despite my mantra that 'big things are made of little things' when my daily routine is just that - a routine of the same tasks, over and over with little sense of accomplishment at the end of it - I become bored and frustrated. Bored and frustrated people don't perform well. People who don't perform well are going to be even MORE miserable. You see how it goes...

Circumstances being what they are, it's been made painfully clear to me that a major change is needed.

Why cruise ships?

Firstly, it was a case of matching my strengths to paying opportunities. As mentioned, elsewhere, since the profession of raconteur died out, my options are quite limited, unless I fancied trying stand-up comedy and not-so slowly starving to death.

Everyone says they value a lovely personality, and someone who can make them laugh - but they don't seem to be willing to pay too much for it. Drat.

Cruise lines, however, hire folks in the role of "cruise staff" and "social host/ess", to coordinate (and encourage participation in) events aboard the ship - from jollying wallflowers up to the karaoke machine to introducing strangers to each other during the meet-the-crew cocktail hour. I tell you, reading the job descriptions, I thought "Wow, it would be like being paid to be myself!" That can be a fairly powerful argument, methinks.

Secondly, I'm a travel-hound. Perhaps it's the legacy of being an immigrant and lucky enough to be able to return to the "old country" for regular visits. It's given me the love of changing scenery. Heck, the smell of aviation fuel makes me unaccountably happy, and not because of the noxiousness of the fumes!

But, really, why cruise ships? Why not a leisure resort or amusement park or something?

In many ways, it's not just the things I have but the things I lack which makes me a great prospect for a cruise line. I'm not carrying a mortgage, I have no kids, I'm a widow with no interest in a new relationship. There's nothing really tying me to land - aside from the cats, and more about them, shortly. Why not make these voids work for me?

However, I also lack the ability to drive (trust me, dear reader, you do NOT want to see the hyperventilating, gibbering wreck I become behind the wheel.)

Those of you who've tried living in the USA without a car - let alone a driver's license - know how challenging that can make things. Oh, I suppose I could get a job at an amusement park or something, but rent in the vicinity of such a locale is increasingly incompatible with being dependent on public transit - assuming any exists, wherever I settle. Having a ten-minute, pedestrian, commute would be a refreshing change!

On a more somber note, while my husband was dying, we discussed what I was going to do in the aftermath, and we both felt quite strongly that a break from the bay area would be a good idea. Seven months on, I still think it would be a good idea. There are a few too many ghosts (so to speak) at my grocery, on my commute, in the company of mutual friends and I think it has reached the point of hindering my recovery. A change, they say, is as good as a rest, no?

No. Really? Cruise ships? Giant floating tin cans where you can't get away from anyone? Where you have to share your (tiny, windowless) room with a stranger? Where you'll be away from home for months at a time? And we mentioned the crazy-long hours already, right?

Yes. Really.

Frankly, I believe I'll be too damn busy to notice the floating-tin-can aspect of things. I'm not joking when I tell folks I'm looking to double my hours (and half my wages!). Ditto shared accommodations and indifferently-cooked food. I suspect that any time I could potentially have for self-reflection, I'll be sleeping through. As one who admits that sometimes she spends too much time inside her head, this could be a good thing.

As for staying away from "home" - at this point, "home" is wherever I hang my hat. After spending far too much of my life defining myself by the things I own - to the point of being practically crippled by it, as my friends know - it's time to do things differently. Where I keep my stuff isn't really all that important. I will admit that it's almost breaking my heart to give up my 2 cats. But this won't be the first time I've had to part with pets.

One of the happiest days I've had in the past seven months was the one when I ran a garage sale - the first of several attempts to reduce my stuff - only to find myself up to my neck in bargain hunters firmly convinced that they could find a lost Picasso sketch amongst my old sewing patterns. It was a lot of hard work to set up and break down - I had a LOT of stuff - punctuated by hours of haggling, explaining and cajoling various strangers. Round about half-way through it, as I paused to gulp down some water and quietly gasp for breath, I realized I hadn't had such a good time in ages. It very much reminded me of the incident that had me wanting to become a film editor while I was in college (also involving hard work and smelly exhaustion, now that I think of it). Well, I know a hit from the cluebat, when it's hard enough - I just hope I'm a bit more successful, this time!

And I'm a silly-enough romantic to like the sea. I'm a water-sign who grew up in a seaside tourist town. I firmly believe that if I lived more than 50 miles from saltwater (and my ideal would be, oh, a half-mile) I'd shrivel up and blow away on the wind. Sentimental and silly, I know, but I'm prone to those moments - thank goodness!

Overall, my sanity and happiness is a dam' sight more important to me than a fat paycheck, a ritzy address or anything like that. I've sacrificed happiness to practicality for long enough, with not much to show for it. Let's see how trying things the other way 'round works out.

Checking In... Again

2010-07-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive.

I'm still trying to run away to sea.

(If you happen to be associated with the hiring of cruise staff, oh reader, feast your eyeballs on my madly self-serving job-hunt page)

Got some new headshots done, yesterday. Will post, shortly. Nothing terribly fancy but they were free and turned out prettily enough, and I can't argue with that.

I'm contemplating a trip out to Miami - 48 hours, tops - to bang on some doors, but I don't know if that will impress folks, or get me arrested.

And, yes, luvs, I know all about the long hours, the shared accomodation and associated craziness. It sounds a lot like college, really...

Still Here!

2010-06-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

Of course, the moment I calmed down again, my fervor to become reacquainted with the Oracle was blunted, somewhat.

More to the point, I've had to focus on much more mundane tasks, namely: finding a new job.

But not just any job, dear reader! I have decided to run away to sea!

Okay, that's not exactly how it is, but it's close.

I have a useless college degree, over ten years pushing papers in an office and a fabulous personality¹. Research led me to discover that a person can still make use of a fabulous personality and earn a reasonable, regular income, which is far more appealing than hitting the standup comedy circuit and slowly starving to death.

There have been a few false-starts, but the search is in full-swing, now. I'm not terribly fussed if I end up jaunting all over the world or between Liverpool and Douglas (The Welsh might prove useful, after all!), what I'm looking for is a job which will reward me for being gregarious and charismatic. God forbid, I might actually enjoy it.

Further bulletins as warranted. I doubt I could get so lucky as to land a gig on the QM2 right out of the gate...

¹ - stop laughing!

Oracle Reading #3

2010-05-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

Reading #3.

Felt a need to consult the oracle. Will share painfully long dissection of ditto when I get home (it's all hand-scrawled right now)

changing to

changing to

changing to

*Rolls up sleeves*

Brace yourselves, kids, this is going to be a long one...

Summary: Progress through persistence culminates in valuable knowledge.

I'm having to apply a fair bit of spin, though. Bear with me.

Two things are extremely apparent from this casting: a whole lotta energy going on, both yang to yin and vice versa, and the trigram K'un migrates from the bottom of the hexagram to the top (and is, in fact, perceptible in three of the four gua as one maps out the journey)

Literally, Progress moves to Not Yet Settled, which moves to Youthful Folly (Danger), and concludes with The Army (The Multitude)

As ever, a meaning is discernible. I'm engaged in two life-changing projects at the moment, and I've certainly hit a few bumps along the way - and run into the temptation of either giving up or doing something frivolous to the point of counterproductivity. Should I succeed in both of my projects, though, my life will be profoundly changed for the better and, yeah, I'll be a veteran of a sort, ready/glad to help others out in a similar situation.

It's a hell of a dynamic time - no wonder there's a lot of change manifesting in the reading.

Earth is a descending trigram. If I were to over-extend a metaphor, I'd say something about a metaphorical upheaval in my personal life but, as I live in California, maybe I just need to strap the bookshelves to the walls. (Whaddya mean, frivolous?)

I'm not one to worry unduly about Yang-to-Yin transformations (or vice-versa), as it's important to understand the translation/cultural barrier when it comes to reading the text and commentaries. All that talk of 'superior' and 'inferior' can leave a person with a neurotic complex, although the terms are only the next-best-thing equivalent (I salute anyone brave enough to try translating not only a 3,000 year old language, but a 3,000 year old culture. They might as well have been space aliens to my 21st century mind, I'm sure). The fact of the changing energy is the main thing. And perhaps I would benefit by redirecting certain efforts in small, but significant, ways.

That said, methinks my unconscious brain is perhaps, ever so-slightly, applying the cluebat and pointing out the advantages of not rushing around like a headless chicken (one of my faults), and taking the time to consider consequences before hurling myself headlong into something.

Yes, a bad experience can be more educational than a good one, but that doesn't mean it's better.

The Oracle: Reading #2

2010-05-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Just something to kick the day off with.

changing to

ending in

In three words: relief, exhaustion, conflict.

When Things Become Complicated, Treat Them Simply

2010-05-26T21:42:00.000-07:00

It's time to get back to things that calm and ground me, for reasons I will get into, um, later. Some of you already know what's going on. The rest of you will have to wait.

It took me far, far too long to upload just a few images to Picasa, which means you're saved my usual long-winded interpretation.

Question - How to get through what's ahead/achieve a particular goal I've set

29 - K'an - The Abyssal / Double Water / Darkness

(Water over Water)

changing to:

8 - Pi - Holding Together / Union / Accord

(Water over Earth)

and resulting in:

39 - Chien- Hardship / Halting (trouble) / Obstruction

(Water over Mountains)

All of which, boils down to (as briefly as I can put it) the following:

Yep, things are tough, and they're going to stay tough - but tough doesn't mean bad. Meet all challenges one day at a time - but don't forget your long-term goal while you're at it. Definitely keep things in small, manageable pieces - and do not try to over-extend yourself. Accept that only you can effect change on yourself and that change doesn't necessarily mean bad. Water changes many things, but can remain, itself, unaffected. Be ready (and assertive enough!) to remove yourself from a situation that turns out to be un-supportive.

Or, as I used to say "Big things are made of little things". Right now, I'm focusing on some very little things (24 hour chunks of time), but they will accumulate and, eventually, become weeks and years.

And I'm sure that the sage would get a kick out of me right now. I've got two I Ching books in my lap and the other, so I don't lose the page, is parked - open - atop my head so I have both hands free for typing...

PS - for those who are wondering, I keep half a dozen translations of the I Ching, but the three I routinely refer to when sorting out things in my head are: The Complete I Ching (Alfred Huang), The Taoist I Ching (Thomas Cleary) and the I Ching (Wilhelm/Baynes). You'll know things have gotten hot-and-heavy when I pull out the big red Eranos Foundation concordance...

Insert Raging Bile

2010-04-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I happened to be riding the bus and, as inevitably happens, someone who was just the tiniest bit off-center started talking to me. It's a risk of taking public transit and I accept that.

However, as one can never tell the difference between "harmless" and "carrying a knife" during these encounters, I allowed a minimum of interaction, as per my usual policy.

Almost immediately, my unwanted companion remarked on my accent. I made the usual reply - I'm English, I've been in America quite a while, etc, etc.

"That's odd." said the erstwhile conversationalist. "You don't look like an immigrant. I mean, you look American!"

I couldn't help myself - it was all funny rather than threatening. "Really? What does an American look like?"

At which point, everyone in earshot failed to muffle their laughter. The off-center fellow was rather nonplussed by this and mercifully shut up.

Of course, by "American", I'm sure the fellow meant "White", but only realized his faux-pas when called on it. Again, it's something I'm used to - I'm rarely assumed to be an immigrant until or unless I open my mouth.

Recently, Arizona passed a law that allows police officers to demand proof of right-to-reside from anyone they damn well feel like. The criteria? Do they "look" illegal?

What does an illegal immigrant look like? How are they discernable from legal immigrants?

I don't know, either.

What I do know is that this nasty bit of xenophobic legislation is going to continue alienating the immigrant population - legal and otherwise - and, in the long run, guarantee an increase in crime, as even legal immigrants will be afraid to call the police, for fear of being hassled.

"But if they're here legally, they've nothing to fear!" A comment I've heard from various quarters.

I'm sinkingly certain that much the same argument has proven the thin end of many a pogrom.

And there's the larger issue of civil rights.

US-based readers: how many of you are, right now, carrying proof of your right to reside in the United States. No, your drivers' license / state ID does not count. That only shows that you live in the US, not that you're living legally in the US.

To prove your right to reside permanently in the US, you need to present any of the following: birth certificate, US passport, US permanent resident card, foreign passport with apt visa or your certificate of naturalization.

Forgive me if I assume that most readers do NOT have those documents readily to hand. But it's expected of anyone who "looks illegal" in Arizona.
If you can't tell me what illegal looks like, then the Arizona lawmen had damn well better enforce this proof-of-legal-residency on every single person they encounter. Or get ready for the mother of all lawsuits from the ACLU. You can guess what I think will happen.

All I can do for the moment is hope that this legislation is struck down for the hateful, fear-driven thing that it is. And stay out of Arizona.

Postscript: God help you if you're a legal immigrant in AZ, now forced to carry an extremely precious and difficult (if not impossible) to replace document with you, everywhere you go. Better pray there aren't any holes in your pockets - or that someone doesn't get the bright idea to start mugging all and sundry for their highly-marketable documents. I hear a genuine green card goes for good money, these days...

Of course, if you're an illegal immigrant and you're attacked, you're up shit creek, anyways. It's not like you'd be able to report it to the police - not in Arizona.

Insert Wry, Self-Deprecating Chuckle

2010-04-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

My brain seems to have come up with a new coping/grounding technique.

(No, I'm not going all new age on you, this is a legit tool for dealing with episodes of unpleasantness)

Imagine, if you will, your humble author in bed, around 2AM - awake and stewing mightily.

Now, get rid of the first image that came to mind and replace it with something G-rated. Geeze, you guys.

As I worked myself up into a fine tizzy, and felt my state of mind reaching that event horizon known as "blithering fury", in a desperate attempt to save the rest of the evening, some chunk of my brain cut in the emergency circuits and started playing...

...are you ready for this?

A medley of Mark Knopfler's best work.

I've got to admit, it was pretty effective. Fifteen seconds later, I was trying to remember the bridge to Sultans of Swing rather than stewing away.

Naturally, I do not have these tunes on any of my iThings, so I shall have to rectify that as soon as circumstances allow. I'd forgotten how much I like Mark Knopfler.

Insert Passive-Aggressive Rant, Here

2010-04-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Before I get started, dear reader, let me caution you to please read the subject of this post. It's okay, I can wait.

Are we all clear on what I'm about to embark upon? Good. This will neither illustrate the finer side of my personality, nor do much of any good, but it'll help me blow off some steam. No doubt I'll delete the entry within ten minutes of it going online, but I shall enjoy those ten minutes in a nasty, petty, self-righteous sort of way.

So.

An opportunity to do a bit of work experience on a cruise ship fell into my lap rather suddenly.

Said opportunity was, nonetheless, going to cost money, because of the nature of the beast. I wouldn't be joining the regular crew, but the staff of an event occurring on board the ship - so I'd have to pay my own way for a passenger berth.

Had it fallen into my lap four days ago, I could have welched on a debt to friends (classy!) and covered the expense out of my own pocket. But it didn't.

So, bescattered with caveats along the lines of "Feel free to ignore this" and "Yes, I know it seems mercenary", I made postings to various online spots, looking for handouts.

Apparently, I put my foot in it. Not the first time, probably not the last, either.

Just for the record, though:

-- If I wanted friends and strangers to pay for me to have a holiday, I would have said "Hey! I want to go on holiday and not pay for it!". The experience 'board ship was, indeed, going to be work.

-- I'm a little hurt that some folks - friends among 'em - think so little of me that they would believe that I'm trying to swindle them, as per above. Guys, if you haven't figured out that I'm the world's worst liar by now, then I don't know who you've been hanging out with, but she's not me.

-- Yes, I have publicly stated an intention to move to the UK. Yes, I have been frantically selling things and trying to save my pennies for said move. I didn't anticipate the cruise-work opportunity coming up. I only wrote to the event organizer so that I could console myself with "At least I tried" - I honestly didn't expect it to come through, but since it did, I didn't want to let it go. The nature of unexpected opportunities is that they're - gosh! - unexpected.

-- I think I haven't been clear enough about the underlying reasons for what's going on with me, job-wise, so I'll try again.
--- I have been working in a field I do not enjoy. For nearly fifteen years.
--- After my husband died, I had a nervous breakdown.
--- During the much-needed therapy that occurred, post-breakdown, it was made painfully clear to me that I must change careers. Job-stress was a significant factor in why I fell apart - not "only" my husband's death.

Changing careers is not like changing jobs. I'm having to convince an unseen employer that, really, I want to take a 50% cut in my salary and lose my benefits. I'm not surprised that I'm being met with skepticism in that regard - talk about a scenario that has "mid life crisis" written all over it.

Volunteer efforts aside, my entire working life has been pushing papers in an office. If I continue to do that, I'm going to have another breakdown. I'm not being melodramatic (okay, maybe I am) but that is how I feel and I've got professionals with lots of letters after their names agreeing with me.

I've got an uphill challenge. Very little in the way of relevant skills and a job-market that isn't inclined to take me seriously.

So, yes, I suppose I would risk alienating friends and strangers by asking for help with an opportunity to pick up work experience in a field that interests me.

Seems I have, already.

Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

In the meantime, if anyone has got any useful little suggestions on how to break into tourism/travel/leisure without resorting to living in a cardboard box/going into debt of some form or other I'm keen to hear them.

Insert Tremulous Political Comment

2010-04-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I forget that I'm a US citizen.

I've lived in America for over 25 years and certain things become habitual - such as being disenfranchised.

I'm used to tuning out 90% of the political froth around me because if I can't do anything about it, what's the point of raising my blood pressure? I'd read the papers, pay attention to the big noise-makers but, in general, ignore it and get on with my life - just like most citizens, now that I think of it.

But I can vote, now! I can't wait for the mid-year elections. School board, dog-catcher, gubernatorial nominee? You bet I'm going to have an opinion! Lay your propoganda on me, fellas! I might laugh myself sick, but I promise I'll read it.

But...

The tea-party¹ folks scare me. They're crossing a line from "Righteously outraged" to "incipient riot with pitchforks and torches" - and we know how rational rioters are, don't we? The health-care plan PISSES ME OFF because it's doomed to failure, despite laudable intentions. Education in my home state - and across the country - is a joke. I find myself starting to advocate the carrying of unconcealed (and loaded) firearms by civilians because, fuckit, we're all going to hell in a handbasket anyways and I can understand Joe Bloggs' wish to return fire. Sometimes.

I am, in a word, a very confused moderate.

I was a socialist, once upon a time, but I got better. Not that there aren't some lingering bits - such as when it comes to welfare and health care - but that's fodder for another day.

What's really scaring me at the moment is accepting the risk that having - and sharing - a political opinion means. I'm not kidding when I say that the tea-party folks frighten me. It's not an intellectual "Gosh, I find their platform rather disagreeable" kind of worry but a "Am I going to be stalked/harassed by these folks? Because they strike me as just that unstable as to be willing to do that." When you see folks carrying signs saying "Proud Member of the Angry Mob" at the local tea-party rally (as I saw in today's paper), I think a bit of worry is justified.

(So, naturally, I'm sharing this on a public blog. Ah, the lure of free speech...)

Voting - or even holding an opinion - despite any fear is part of what it means to be a responsible citizen. And so I must.

¹ - I refuse to stoop to the whole 'teabagging' joke. It was funny for about two minutes, and that was quite a while ago. Let's focus on the real issues, shall we?

Insert Buddhist Comment About Possessions And Evil Thereof

2010-04-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

As part of the whole becoming-a-supposed-adult process, I'm currently trying to reduce the pile of stuff that represents thirteen years of life with someone down to a pile appropriate for a widow who anticipates a significant drop in her standard of living - and square footage to live it in - in the next few months.

Naturally, the winnowing out process has bothered me, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

Is it because this Pile O'Stuff cost a pretty penny in its day and now I'm letting it go for peanuts - or not even that? At first, I thought that was the answer. Heaven knows, I'm always attuned to my inner Little Black Duck.¹

Fact is, though, I've realized it's another step in acknowledging that my husband is dead. We accumulated all of these things - useful and otherwise - during our time together and now I'm slinging it out. He and I always talked about reducing the clutter around us, but never actually did anything about it, for reasons various - but that's fodder for another time.

If he were here, the sorting would be a lot easier. Sure, we'd be getting rid of *stuff* that represents a not insubstantial whack of not-really-disposable income frittered away over the years and that might sting a bit, but we'd still have each other.

As it is, I don't have him and now I'm getting rid of the things we accumulated together. Sure, it's "just stuff" but, in this context, it's surprisingly difficult to part with.

Alex helped make me who I am today. To get rid of everything - or close to it - that we owned together makes me feel like I'm trying to annul a huge chunk of my life. Logically, I know that's not the case but the emotions, they don't care about logic.

What's going to be left? Memories? Oh yeah, those are just peachy in the middle of the night, let me tell you...

¹ - Go watch Ali Baba Bunny if you've no idea what I'm talking about.

Insert Self-Involved Meta Here

2010-04-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

So.

I go through occasionaly periods of bleak self-loathing, for several reasons, but the two biggies would have to be:

1) I suffer from depression and have done so for most of my life.

2) I'm the queen of beating myself up, particularly in the aftermath of stupid, avoidable mistakes.

In regards to #1, I will give up my Prozac when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands. I've been taking it for about six months and, oh dear gods, it's fantastic. Nowadays, my emotional landscape only occasionally resembles the Somme circa 1917, whereas that used to be its default state.

When it comes to #2, however... I seem to be in a bit of a rut: commit fuckup, beat self up, resolve to do better and, eventually, fail to do so.

Self destructive, to say the least.

It does leave me wondering, rather, at the fundamental causes of self-destruction. Low self-esteem? Lack of imagination? Sheer bloody-mindedness?

Answers on a postcard, please...

Insert Pithy SF/F Innuendo Here

2010-04-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

I blame Margaret Cho.

She's the one who blew the whistle on the degree of crossover between SF/F fandom, Rennaisance Faire participants and members of the BDSM community (hereafter referred to as fans, fairies and kinksters - for the sake of brevity).

I saw a recording of Cho's performance in San Francisco. Heard the nervous undertone to the audience's laughter as she made that pronouncement - because if there's one place on the planet where those three communities exist in abundance, it's right here in Northern California. But, until then... well, I don't want to say it was secret, but the cat was irretrievably out of the bag once Cho saw comedy gold in the situation.

My theory is that, once the whistle was blown, the three communities didn't see much of a point in maintaining rigid boundaries any more and they slowly oozed into each other's territories. Nowadays I'm a little hard-pressed to *not* see BDSM gear at a science-fiction convention - and don't get me started about the Klingons at the Renn Faire.

At first, I found it amusing. I've participated in all three communities and absolutely agree with the observed level of crossover. It's been steadily increasing over the past decade and, really, it was mostly unremarkable. But then there was the guy walking around a local science fiction convention wearing nothing but a Speedo and a ball gag.

I say, steady on!

I hate to sound old-fashioned but there were children present and, if nothing else, I bet their parents were just so very pleased at having to explain that hall costume.

Not a few kink-friendly parties happen at sci-fi conventions - anyone who assumes that sci-fi fans are an inhibited, socially-stunted lot has clearly never partied with them. And at those parties, by all means, bring out the ball gags, the puppies on leashes and the charmingly embellished floggers. I'll probably ask you where you acquired all three. Heck, I would mind a latex old-school Star Trek minidress, such as I've seen at a local fetishwear store.

But.

The notion of consent is the absolute bedrock of BDSM/kink. No matter how a scene might appear, the ultimate fact is that all participants have consciously agreed to what's happening - before it happens, I might add. Boundaries are always negotiated ahead of time - it saves everyone a lot of fuss ranging from PTSD to homicide...

I rather doubt that the several hundred folks who witnessed the ball-gag-and-speedo dude gave a thumbs-up to such a sight in advance.

Or, put another way: Do not make me an involuntary participant in your exhibitionism fetish.

Insert Gaming Reference Here

2010-03-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

Almost two months ago, I picked up a copy of Doctor Who: The Roleplaying Game, as put together by the fine folks at Cubicle 7.

To be honest, I bought it on a whim. I haven't played many RPGs in the past couple of years - one erratic 7th Sea campaign and writing the occasional LARP has been about the sum of it - but the vendors got me on two fronts: firstly, hello! It's Doctor Who roleplaying! I've been doing that without a net for years! Secondly, it's not d20. I'm one of those cranky old gamers who does not believe that d20 is the gaming savior - just as GURPs wasn't, either.

In fact, the system reminds me of Eden's Studio system - which I first encountered via their Buffy: The Vampire Slayer rpg. Generally, the setup is stat + skill + (modifier) + dice roll. Eden uses 1d10 instead of 2d6 as per Cubicle 7 but the fundamental intention remains the same. Characters are further modified by advantages and disadvantages, specialized backgrounds, etc.

I like that kind of system - it's easy to learn (no maths degree required), fast to play and very scaleable. And a GM is always free to create new skills, etc, as the game requires - and on the fly, if necessary.

And, damn, it's slick. As in, printed on shiny paper with many photographic illustrations and blissfully free of painfully bad (but affordable) line art. I admit, I balked at the $60 price tag, at first, but the packaging and presentation has justified the cost

I've only gone through the logistical chapters - none of the setting material, as I'm saving that for when I'm ready for my brain to explode in a froth of campaign ideas, as I suspect will happen. (I know my weaknesses.) But, the initial impression is very good. I look forward to reading the rest of it!

Not Dead Yet (Bad Choice of Title, Though...)

2010-03-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

Three years and four days ago, my husband, Alex, disclosed to our friends and family that he had been diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer.

Three months and twenty-nine days ago, he died.

I've been working through the classic stages of grief - shock, denial, anger and such - punctuated by a minor nervous breakdown, because apparently being a widow before 40 wasn't disruptive enough.

My friends - and not a few strangers - pretty much saved my life. Money was raised to cover final expenses (and "Zombie debt", which is debt that you think is long dead, but it abruptly returns when least convenient) and there was even enough left for me to go visit family in the UK. For two weeks after Alex's death, friends stopped by on a daily basis with some kind of home-cooked meal and - here's the important part - watched me eat it.

There is no way I can pay back that kind of karma, but I'm trying.

A week after Alex died, I returned to work. I simply didn't have enough time stored up to stay away any longer than that.

As it turns out, that was a mistake.

I thought nervous breakdowns happened like a summer thunderstorm - coming on suddenly, but making itself very apparent once on the scene. Not so, in my case. It wasn't until I realized that not only had I not turned on my computer in ten days - I'm quite the 'net-head, usually - but, in fact, hadn't gotten out of bed for three that it occurred to me to think that maybe I wasn't functioning at my best.

Again, friends and strangers stepped in and wielded the cluebat. Various medical fellows agreed and the state's disability insurance program saved my sanity by allowing me to take almost three more months off work. I felt vaguely guilty about not being able to bounce back - after all, it wasn't like I didn't know my husband was going to die - but I really, desperately needed that time away.

Some days, I bluster merrily along and can feel like nothing is wrong.

Other days, not so much. Today, I looked at my husband's blog, which still exists on LiveJournal. That was quite a mistake. I haven't removed his voice from my answering machine, yet - I can't quite bring myself to do that, just now - but I'm okay when the phone rings and I hear him telling a marketing robot that we're not available. But reading that journal? It was awful. Everything came roaring back and I felt like it had just happened, all over again.

In some ways, I can use this. As I've mentioned before, elsewhere, grieving is a verb. It's something you do, not something that happens to you. I've had difficulty with that - a lifetime of keeping stress inside - so something that can reduce me to incoherent tears within seconds is, in a strange way, useful.

I acknowledge that there's a fine line between that and deliberately picking at a scab - with subsequent scarring. I'm not sure I've quite got the hang of the difference, yet, but I suppose I'll learn, in time.

Selfishly enough, I'm scared. What happens to me, now? I'm facing a bad financial situation - although I'm ever-grateful that I'm not shackled by a mortgage - combined with a dire need to change careers. Ever seen the face of an HR recruiter meeting a 30-something applying for an entry-level job? Awkward barely begins to cover it it. But I digress.

I'm angry. Angry about the conversations we meant to have during Alex's final weeks that will never happen. Angry at some hitherto unknown facts - because we're all strangers, ultimately. Angry at being left alone after a pretty dam' blissful thirteen years together with no idea how to start picking up the pieces and start over.

I create lists, full of little strategies and things to do. Sometimes I even do those things. I suspect that my hindbrain believes that if I just create enough lists, identify the *correct* things to do, then life will fall into place and make some kind of sense.

And while I'm dreaming, I'd like a pony.

But, despite all that, I'm lucky - lucky to have known Alex in the first place and to have so many friends willing to help me through this godawful time. That leaves me feeling a little guilty, of course - does anyone deserve such kindness? But it's easier to manage than the grief.

I'm afraid I don't have a pat little conclusion for you - no great insight beyond "Hey, my friends are pretty awesome! And cancer sucks!" - but is one really necessary?

Gasp!

2008-11-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

If you listen very carefully, you might hear a whole lotta bloggers trying to find a vein.

Livejournal.com is down for a few hours - server issues - and I know I'm not the only schmuck who counts on it to help me through the day at the office.

In the meantime:

- Yep, still alive.
- Yep, still writing sillyfic, making silly costumes and doing the things that a female sci-fi geek does with her free time.
- Yep, still trying not to drink so much. Success has been erratic, but the overall trend is upwards.

Alas, I will not be attending the St. G's open house on 11/22. Partially because I really don't want to spend an afternoon around that much booze with little else to do other than drink, but also because I can't afford the admission at the moment.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, if you're going to be at Chicago TARDIS, dear reader, feel free to say hello.

I swear, I'll have something interesting to say once I finally get used to working for a living, again. Finding my feet is a bit tricky when someone seems to have greased the soles of my shoes.

Blimey. He Did It!

2008-11-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

As I'm not a citizen, whilst I'll cheerfully chat politics with practically anyone, there is a line that I won't cross, and actively campaigning via my blog is way past that line. If nothing else, there's my (eventual) citizenship application to think about.

But, in addition to that, there's the fact that I've been convinced that, no matter what the polls said, no matter how optimistic folks got, I was convinced that it would all go pear-shaped and that - at best - we'd be staring at 2000, all over again. I just couldn't let myself hope that maybe, for the first time in yonks, the Dems would be able to pull it off.

There's also the fact that I've not had much reason to feel optimistic about, er, a lot of things, lately, but that's all on the other, far more private, journal. Suffice it to say, luvs, that whilst I'd love to be getting whipped up about national issues, matters closer to home have been demanding most of my attention. For heaven's sake, I only just ended nearly a year's unemployment...

But that oh gods, we're going to fuck it up attitude is why I and a whole lot of other folks are feeling a bit gobsmacked at the moment. We couldn't let ourselves believe that Barack Obama could pull it off. Indeed, only a few short months ago, I said, rather acerbically to someone who suggested I was perhaps a bit overdemanding in my desires for a candidate, "I was rather hoping for someone with experience and ethics." Honestly, I thought that both of the Dem front-runners were bad choices. I didn't believe that either of them could successfully go up against the GOP.

But, as I've said many a time (as an entrenched pessimist), sometimes, I'm very happy to be proven wrong. Tonight, especially so.

Yes. Still Here.

2008-10-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still alive. Things are well, in general terms, if not in specifics.

I'm not getting into specifics on a public forum, though.

What I will get into is Screeching For America, an interesting and provocative blog, written by an educator and acquaintance of mine who is, to say the least, passionate about the subject at hand. Again, that's all the detail you're getting from me in public, luvs.

Now, pray, excuse me. The husband and the roommate are on a mission to cheer me up and I'm not inclined to resist too much.

PS. St. George Spirits Open House on November 22. Apparently, we in the TAC might be acting as supplemental bar staff - what fun! Be there or be, er, sober...

An Update and An Announcement of Sorts

2008-08-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm working again, as an admin/office manager for a small business in San Francisco. For reasons of confidentiality - mine and theirs - that's all I'm going to say about my career in a public forum. Why yes, I've finally learned my lesson about public disclosure on the blogosphere. You give one interview to the networks about blogging something extremely stupid, and the friends and family never let you forget it.

***

I recently had a bad scare about my drinking and have since cut down on the sauce by an order of magnitude. God only knows what's going to happen to this blog, given how many of the entries were booze-related.

***

When it comes to writing and playing in LARPs, the first rule is "Have fun." The second rule is "If you're not having fun, figure out why and fix it - even if that means leaving the game."

In 2006, I decided that I was burning out on writing LARPs (live-action roleplaying games) and declared that I was going to take a year off.
That year-long break has extended to almost two and, I must admit, I've not missed it all that much. I used to really enjoy every aspect of LARP creation: weaving plots, writing character backgrounds, building props and all that. But after doing this for the best part of fifteen years, I think it's time to move on.

What I want out of LARPs, as a player and a GM, has changed, and it's definitely a case of my tastes changing, not the hobby evolving out from under me.

As a player, I want to participate in events that are more character driven, not plot/competition driven, as most one-shot and ongoing campaigns tend to be.

Admittedly, almost all of my campaign LARPing has been with various "Vampire: The Masquerade" groups and, no matter what White Wolf would like you to believe, V:tM troupes feature characters competing against each other to the point of almost all else. Combine that with the fact that the theme of personal horror was abandoned in favor of "Kewl, if dead, people with nifty powers" (aka "Champions with fangs") almost as soon as the live-action rules-set was published and it's no wonder I sometimes feel a bit frustrated.

One-shot games are, of course, simply too short to allow time for character development - especially for players such as myself who like time to go away and think about things. I've since realized that a person who's not quick-witted is going to have some difficulty LARPing and doubly so in a one-shot event. Naturally, this doesn't apply to events that are clearly run for a bit of a lark. A whole other set of rules and conventions apply to humorous larps and, oh gods, I get tired just thinking about it...

As a GM, I'm simply not satisified with the quality of plots I create. No matter what grand vision I have at the beginning, what I have at the end always seems a bit trite and hackneyed. This works fine for events at conventions - no-one goes to a gaming convention looking for a grand epiphany of the gaming sort - but it's absolutely unacceptable for ongoing games. Furthermore, the sheer work required to create an event that lasts, at most, four or five hours, has reached the point of diminishing returns. As they say in some circles, it's a long run for a short slide.

True, it could be argued that what I really need to do is work harder at writing LARPs, and improve my skills. But, at this point, I'm a bit bleak about how much potential for improvement I've actually got. We can't all have unplumbed depths of talent - some folks are just mediocre. What's that line from Fight Club? You are not a special snowflake.

Other interests have, of course, arisen to fill the void left by my moving away from LARPing. Following an extended absence, I'm returning to SF fandom, albeit far more warily than when I drifted away from it in the mid 1990s.

I think I grossly offended most of the local Firefly fandom when I bluntly told some organizers from the local fan club that they were clearly going through the growing pains - and attendant drama - of a young fandom and that I'd consider joining them in, say, another three years when they're past the worst of it. I seem to have skipped fannish middle-age and gone straight to Cranky Old Fan. It would explain why I've taken to buying purple shirts, of late. Hm.

Within SF fandom, Doctor Who has claimed most of my spare cycles, but there's time for a few other interests, too - but I won't bother talking about it here, as I have a separate journal for such things.

I don't really regret walking away from LARPs. Tastes and desires change, and that can't be helped. I've had some great experiences writing and playing live-action RPGs and very few bad ones, so my memories are generally positive. I can only hope that I feel as good about fandom and other activities, fifteen years down the line...

Why Is This Fun, Again? I'm Not Even Getting Paid!

2008-08-09T13:00:00.001-07:00

I'm writing a LARP (live action roleplaying game) for an event that is approaching a little faster than I'd like.

I've reached the point of hating every character with a burning, fiery passion, and I've still five more of the little bastards to churn out. The primrose path of shortcuts and stereotypes beckon but, damn it all, the regular players of my events are a smart lot and thus they need smart characters - more's the pity.

It wouldn't be so vexing if I wasn't morbidly certain that, as ever, the players will run roughshod over the plot and only pay attention to the bits of the character backgrounds that fit into their own preferences and prejudices. It's definitely the downside of writing LARPs.

I should write scripts. At least bloody actors do what they're told.

Boozepost: As Predicted...

2008-06-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

I happened to wander through the local BevMo earlier today, and guess what I found in the absinthe case - yes, the absinthe now merits it's own display:

- St. George's Absinthe Verte - nummers! (Third production run, btw)

- Lucid - lovely!

- Kubler - not quite as lovely, but still good.

- A re-branded, fancified version of Absente - well, if you've got no other choice...

- Tourment Vert - ew...

- Something describing itself as "anise infused vodka", offered in an art-nouveau-ish bottle and tinted a pale green - WTF?

Yep, the floodgates are opening. Caveat emptor, kiddies!

Boozepost: Yet More Proof That Crapsinthes Are, You Know, Crap...

2008-06-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Science Daily: The Green Fairy Was Boozy, But Not Psychedelic.

Of course, the proponents of Czech swill and their ilk will continue to holler and whine about the importance of thujone and their supposed trips on absinthe, but that corner they've painted themselves into is getting smaller and smaller.

Still, there's one good thing about the Czechsinthe emphasis on thujone: they won't be able to bring their product to the oh-so-desirable US market without some serious backpedaling.

Some dubious brands might be getting their COLAs, but I doubt I'll be seeing KoSG on the shelves any time soon - thank Christ.

***

In other booze news: St. George Spirits will be hosting another open house on June 28th. The event is a great way to learn about their products - and try them, of course! If you're in the San Francisco Bay Area, check it out.

Passing Thoughts...

2008-04-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

You can't help wondering which genius at the State Department thought that scheduling Gordon Brown's visit to the US at the same time as the Pope's would be a good idea.

One assumes that the aforementioned genius is not a fan of New Labour.

Meanwhile, the career situation has become so dire that I'm, once again, thinking about returning to school.

Fortunately, I couldn't get a student loan to save my life. I say fortunately because I have all the academic rigor of a boiled washcloth. I'm amazed I managed to hack my way through the undergrad courses. A master's thesis would kill me - or, more likely, leave me surrounded by corpses and with the need for a very good attorney and a PR firm.

How 'Bout That...?

2008-04-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

Damn, it's been a while. It seems that this is what happens when one decides to keep one's private life private. Drat. But a note from an online pal has me realizing that I've not updated for a while, so...

Browsing the archives, maybe I should rename this journal "Meanderings Of An Incipient Alcoholic", especially as, earlier today, I interviewed at the company that will be overseeing the marketing of a French absinthe of somewhat dubious quality¹. Of course, if I'm hired, I'm sure my opinion of the product will improve almost instantantly. I've got bills to pay, you know!

I assure you, faceless reader, there's a bit more to me that absinthe and vodka - but either I talk about it on The Other Journal (the one that I have to know who you are before you're allowed to read it) - or it just ain't that interesting. That's the risk of being a part of The Other Journal, by the way - you get the juicy bits and the flat-out boring parts, too.

However, I will take this opportunity to tell the costume-wonks out there that I hope I'll be seeing you at Costume Con 26. Alas, I won't be showing off anything new from my craft room, but I'll be happily slinging booze (there it is again!) at the League of Evil Geniuses party, and offering my usual panels on Sci-Fi Militaria and the Costumers' Hardware Store. Feel free to say hello, should we bump into each other.

PS. Have recently started listening to The Archers. Please advise.

¹ - to remain nameless for the moment, as a certain amount of discretion was asked-for.

Considering the Absinthe Party at Whisper in SF? Don't Bother.

2008-03-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

So, it looks like the infamous Paul has brought back his Absinthe event. I'd been to this event, in a past incarnation, a couple of times and had a reasonably good time.

However, I won't be attending this latest iteration, for several reasons:

- The location sucks. I've heard nothing but terrible things about the staff at Whisper.

- The location sucks. Take a look at the map. Now imagine trying to get a cab in that neighborhood at, say, 1AM. Ain't happening.

- I'm in a constant state of vaguely peeved at Paul because he cheerfully invokes incorrect information in order to sex-up the event and absinthe's appeal. And whilst I'm heaving a sigh of relief that he's let go of the thujone chesnut (see the FAQ), if I see him spell it absinth one more time, I'm going to progress to extremely peeved. I don't care if both spellings are, technically, correct. One is associated with shitty product and the other isn't.

- I'm in a constant state of vaguely peeved at Paul because almost as soon as the SinFusion parties began (this event's former incarnation) he started cutting down on the top-shelf brands, and focused on serving crap like Tabu. (Yes, I've tried it. It's a lovely almond-flavored beverage. It's not absinthe)

- I'm in a constant state of vaguely peeved at Paul's cadre of staffers as they pour tiny measures, for which one is charged like sin - and, oh yeah, better grab your glass quickly, unless you want your stuff power-louched. Apparently they think the fountains are ornamental...

Granted, Paul is a businessman and he's out to make a buck. God knows, as the forbidden allure of absinthe fades, I'm sure he's going to scramble to make as much money off the stuff as he can, while he can.

And, to top it all off, Paul's playing it safe with the absinthe selection for the moment. Given the past legal troubles, I can understand the caution, but everything on the event's menu, you can find at your local BevMo. The Tourment Vert might be hard to find, as they've just started distribution, but still... Go in on a bottle with a few pals (or sidle up to your Auntie Britgeekgrrl at a convention) and you can get the stuff without all the pretentious wankery associated with the above event.

So, yeah, I think I'll be staying home, thanks.

Still Alive...

2008-02-29T17:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absence, but I am still alive. There just hasn't been much going on worth reporting on a public forum.

The St. George Spirits second absinthe release, in late January, was far, far saner than the first go-round. The TAC were there, in all our grey-BDU'd glory (a remoted-hosted copy of a pic from the first-release event, as the ChiTrib story which it accompanied has since gone to a subscription-required archive). The crowd was much friendlier, the press-coverage practically non-existent and the staff not nearly so frazzled. A much less-strenuous day all 'round.

The second batch of Absinthe Vert is distinctly different from the first. The anise is less pronounced, as is the rather menthol-ish aftertaste. Overall, I think I prefer the second batch to the first, but that's probably because I prefer French-style absinthes. Whilst AV is definitely still a Germany-style absinthe, this second batch is, well... not quite as German, shall we say?

Hmm, what else?

I went to England for four days, followed immediately by a trip to Gallifrey One, a three-day Doctor Who convention in Los Angeles. I believe that, about halfway through this endurance test, I went legally insane and have only just recovered. The jet-setting thing sounds very exciting and romantic but in reality? Not so much. I love traveling but even I was sick of the sight of airports by the time I was done.

There was, in fact, a fair amount of excitement during both trips but, again, not something to discuss in public. Buy me a drink some time and perhaps I'll tell you about it - some of it.

And that's really about it for the meantime. I'll try to think of something more interesting to blather on about but for the moment, all is blissfully quiet.

Boozepost: For The Love Of...

2007-12-23T16:50:00.000-08:00

From my local Craig's List:

Selling St. George Spirits' recently released absinthe verte now, even for $150-200/bottle, is foolish. I have 4 bottles I purchased on Friday (12/21), all signed by the master distiller and I wouldn't sell them now for $500 each! 10 or 20 years from now they're going to be worth a fortune! Not for the liquor, but for their historical significance and what they'll command from collectors.

Yes, people are, indeed, offering bottles of the 12/21 Absinthe Vert (some signed by Lance, some not) for $150 - $200.

What a gyp!

And I don't have the heart to break it to the optimist quoted above that he sounds an awful lot like those folks who bought "The Death of Superman" comic figuring that it would pay for their kid's college education ten years down the road.

Granted, there's a difference between a 3600 bottle run of absinthe and DC's vast overprinting of TDoS (four or five times the usual run, wasn't it?), but still... If everyone's buying it expecting it to become a collectible, that's not going to happen. Although I will agree that a signed bottle of Absinthe Verte will probably have appreciated more in 2030 than the aforementioned comic... Should this blog still be extant, come 2030, I'll be sure to make a follow-up post, I promise.

FWIW, I've already opened my one bottle. I know, I know, it's silly of me to want to actually drink the absinthe I've bought but that's me for you: silly.

Boozepost: All Gone!

2007-12-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

St. George Spirits has sold out of Absinthe Verte. There will be more available in February, and they've promised to double the production run.

There are a few places that apparently have a bottle or three left, but it's very much a scavenger hunt, at this point.

Meanwhile, it seems that there are two more US legal absinthes hitting the shelves - or are about to: La Fee and Le Tourment Vert. Unfortunately, La Fee is an oil mix, which makes is a faux-sinthe, in my opinion, and the reviews I've seen on Le Tourment Vert are lackluster, to say the least. Actually, lackluster is a kind way of putting it. Damningly savage might be more accurate. It's nothing I'm going to rush out and buy, that's certain.

Confession time: I've tried La Fee and, er, sort-of liked it. Well, I liked it for an oil mix, with a sufficient amount of sugar. However, the price seems to have gone up by a significant whack since I ordered that sample bottle, long ago, and if I can get something like Jade for a mere $10 more... then I'm going to buy Jade. So my foolish flirtation with La Fee is a closed chapter.

Us US-based absinthe fanciers have been lucky in that the very first brands to hit the shelves (and grab a big chunk of the press coverage) have been good ones. The arrival of lower quality product was inevitable, but I'm glad that it's coming out after Kubler, Lucid and Absinthe Vert.

And, speaking of press coverage....Today, St. George's, tomorrow, the world! Good thing it's legal, else the INS would probably be demanding my green card back...

Boozepost: Blink and You Miss It.

2007-12-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

My burblings about the St. G's absinthe release-day madness may be found here. Long story short: it was a great day, but quite, quite crazy.

If my assessment of the craziness is correct, the tasting room was out of stock by 7PM. In fact, I believe they ran out before closing time, today. Given that there were 1800 bottles in stock, and approximately 300 people lined up at the door first thing in the morning and that number stayed constant until 2PM or so - whereupon it dropped to a mere 150 or so - and those folks were walking away with, on average, three bottles each... well, you do the math...

However, 1800 bottles were shipped out to distributors, so try your luck with places such as K&L Wines or drinkupny.com. I've shopped with the latter, and found them very reliable.

Boozepost: Star Vs. Green Anise

2007-12-17T00:08:00.000-08:00

It seems that, in certain circles, there's no small amount of outrage re: recently released North American absinthes (St. George's Absinthe Verte, Okenagon's Taboo) using star anise, rather than green anise.

On one side, are the Franco/Suisse purists who maintain that if it doesn't have green anise, fennel and grande wormwood, then it's not absinthe.

On the other side, are... well, everyone else who, for one reason or another, doesn't give a damn. This group, admittedly, ranges from moronic fratboys to folks like, well, me.

Why the decision to go with star anise? Flavor? Price? Who knows? One suspects it's probably a combination of the two - one is a realist, after all and distilleries are out to make a profit.

But, despite the fact that I'm generally a Franco/Suisse purist, I'm not going to give a damn.

Is it distilled? Does it have fennel, grande wormwood and anise? Then I'm not going to lie awake at night, worrying about it. Yes, there is a perceptible difference between the flavor of green and star anise - at least, so the experts tell me - but my palette is not finely-tuned enough to detect it. Maybe one day it will be, but, remember, I've only been serious about absinthe for a couple of years, which is no time at all, given how often I can afford to buy the good stuff. I don't buy the cheap stuff.

Honestly, I'm still too busy doing the Hooray! It's US-legal! dance (okay, Taboo isn't, gimme a break) to pay too much to some frightfully overwrought fussings by some extremists.

Absinthe Verte and Taboo (despite the latter's silly name) are not crapsinthes (by which I mean oil-mixes and/or brands that hype up their thujone content) and, with that in mind, I'm quite happy to give them a go. And, who knows? If enough purists (politely!) make their point then maybe the future will bring the change they desire.

Boozepost: Blimey!

2007-12-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

It seems that the media hooraw over absinthe's availability in the US - fueled more by a memo from the US government than anything else - has reached some sort of fungi-like growth phase. One can't swing a cat without hitting some new article online about absinthe's "new" (ie, not new at all) status.

The chaps at The Wormwood Society have a pretty comprehensive news aggregation going on - well worth stopping by and taking a look.

I'm silly enough to find this all rather exciting, of course. Now, if some of my favorite European brands would just jump through the hoops required for distribution in the USA, my day would be set!

St. George Spirits - Absinthe Verte Limited Release

2007-12-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

At last!

St. George Spirits' absinthe - Absinthe Verte - will be available in a limited release, starting 12/21/07.

Now that the news is official, I can talk about what it's like!

I was lucky enough to be given a taste of a pre-release proof (being a regular at the tasting room and all-around nice gal has its advantages) and I assure you, dear reader, that it's a winner. Indeed, the flavor is very reminiscent of the one pre-ban absinthe I've been fortunate enough to try. That pre-ban feel is enhanced by the fact that St. G's recipe does not use any artificial preservatives, which means that the absinthe acquires the 'feuille mort' effect almost immediately after production.

It's not a blanche, though, so the name "Absinthe Verte" is still appropriate. It also meets the US government rules for labeling absinthe, but that's a long, torturous process that I'll let the St. G's staff tell you about when you visit their tasting room. You are going to visit, aren't you? ;)

The overall flavor is subtle but complex and sweeter than many other CO's - the producer's German roots are showing through on this absinthe, I think - and it's not one that I would drink with sugar. To keep it short, I thought it was delicious.

Further reviews to come when I've got my hands on a bottle (or two!) of the official release.

Congrats to Jorg and Lance at St. George's! This is the first American produced absinthe since 1912!

A Rare Reference To A Current Event

2007-11-20T09:58:00.000-08:00

I support the WGA strike.

And by 'support', I mean that I've made a donation to the strike fund, written (polite) emails to various corporate entities and been generally noisy about it whenever it's apt to do so.

Some friends of mine and are I talking about a road-trip to LA next week to visit the picket line/provide as many pizzas as our collective budget can afford, although that's pending further research into whether or not such action would be welcome.

There are several catering businesses and restaurants who are offering free/discounted grub to the folks working the line, so it might prove more practical - if not as heady in that workers-unite sort of way - to call one of those businesses and ask them to send over $XX worth of donuts and coffee with a note. Further news on that as events warrant...

As one would-be slogan would put it: Porn stars aren't the only ones getting screwed on the internet.

A Rare Crosspost...

2007-11-13T14:35:00.000-08:00

...from my regular journal.

Where does a person go in the SF Bay Area for a good martini? Last I heard, Persian Aub Zam Zam - a bar where the owner routinely terrorized martini neophytes, but could sling a mean drink - has closed, so where's a person to go?

By martini, I mean gin (sometimes vodka¹) and a measurable amount of vermouth. That's all. I understand not these weird chocolate and/or apple and/or squid-ink -tini things that are offered to me in most bars.

Furthermore, I've lately learned that my default brand of dry vermouth is often referred to as "that swill" by many martini purists. Can you, dear reader, recommend an alternative?

¹Yes, I'm a heretic. And while I'm on the subject, I might as well admit that I prefer lemon peel to olives in said vodka martinis. Yes, yes, the gin-purists will be around with the tar and the feathers, shortly, I'm sure.

Boozepost: Absente

2007-10-15T10:28:00.001-07:00

Whilst loading up for my annual epic convention party - Pancho's Crosstime Cantina - at the local liquor store, I came across a sample-sized bottle of Absente.

Naturally, dear reader, you already know that Absente isn't actually absinthe - for how can absinthe be absinthe without grande wormwood? But my curiosity bump was itching, as I've encountered quite a few folks who, lacking access to the real stuff (here in the States, it's quite difficult to obtain, Lucid notwithstanding) have tried it and think it's close-enough to their conception of the real thing.

What the hell, it was a six dollar sample. It wasn't like I plunked down for a full 750ML of it, or something.

Color: bright green. Just a little too bright to be natural. The real test of the color is, of course, to leave the bottle in direct sunlight for a few weeks, and see if it turns brown - a naturally colored absinthe will. Scope-colored swill will not. But I don't have that kind of patience. So, yeah, it's a bit too bright, but at least it wasn't as bad as La Fee or Doubs.

Aroma: Ow! Very sharp anise, very medicinal, and not much else. There was a distinct lack of the sort of complexity I've come to expect from the lah-di-dah brands that, I admit, I spoil myself rotten with.

Louche: It does louche, which is more than I can say for some crapsinthes on the market. Judging by the trails in the glass - very pretty, I admit - I'm guessing that Absente is yet another oil-mix. It makes the early stages of the louche a bit more dramatic, visually but, meh... oil mix.

The louche did not release anything terribly interesting aroma-wise. In fact, it didn't do anything in that regard. I wasn't suprised.

Flavor: Thin and simple. It tasted like anise (more licorice-y than anise-y) and there was a hint of bitterness (petite wormwood) but nothing more. I couldn't detect even the hint of other herbs in the mix, and the mouthfeel was thin and watery.

Although I will admit that, at first, I thought "Well, hell. If a person can't get absinthe, at least this mostly-looks the part. So what if it's a bit thin? And sort of harsh? And a bit boring?" But, by the end of the glass, the conclusion reached was "Wait a minute. I wouldn't give this to my friends wanting to try absinthe. Why am I making excuses for it?" Probably because I'm a bit soft hearted. Silly me.

But there's really no excuse for Absente. It's not absinthe, and it's not all that tasty, either.

Once again, dear American reader, if you find yourself just dying to try something 'like' absinthe, but can't get your hands on a bottle of Lucid, then buy a good pernod or even a pastis. Skip this Absente crap.

PS. I served Lucid and La Ptite at the aforementioned party and they went over like gangbusters. The Absinthe Evangelist gets her ribbon for October...

Boozepost - Yet More St. George's

2007-09-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

St. George's basil eau de vie is sneaky, insidious stuff.

Delicious, too. But sneaky.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find the villain who stuffed my cranium full of cotton wool and Italian food overnight.

Still alive

2007-08-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

I've been away, sorry about that. It's all been grown-up stuff that I'm not ready to talk about on this blog - those folks who I want to know about it, already do.

Anyways.

Spring fever hit a couple of months late, and I've been doing crazy things with various craft materials. At the moment, my brain power - such as it is - is devoted to several projects.

- A Doctor Who-inspired cosplay thing. It involves the Tenth Doctor, and a terrible accident with a genetic sequencer and the TARDIS getting the hiccups. Or something. There'll be pictures. Suffice to say that it involves corsetry.

- A general curiosity about leather working. I want to make a book cover for Whimsy Notebook v. 2.0. Just because v. 1 was an almost complete washout doesn't mean I'm done giving it a chance. Besides, it gives me an excuse to learn about tooling and dyeing leather - and a few other things, besides.

- Reading about paper making and paper marbling. Tied in with the above.

- Steampunkish costuming idea: 19th Century chrononaut, albeit one who has yet to have any success in her ventures. Doing this costume in 2007 depends on my budget, and if I have the time to make it after I create the other 19th century rig I've promised myself I'm creating for the upcoming Dickens Fair - namely a pit brow lass (also known as: I'll do anything to avoid wearing a cage crinoline). It's really just an excuse to keep up with the Welsh and to give my pal TG (who has a Welsh persona at the event) someone to chat with... In case you were wondering, the Dickens Fair is a Christmas seasonal thing held hereabouts: imagine a Rennaisance Faire, but set in Dickensian London - pretty obvious, huh.

- Learning about the sheer manic fun that is electroplating at home. This is tied in with the above, of course. No, I haven't done any electroplating yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before I venture into the back yard with a tub of environmentally dubious substances and a few interesting metal objects. I'm told Altoids tins, stripped of paint, are a good project on which to start.

- Creating a replica of the Gallifreyan pocketwatch seen in the latest series of Doctor Who. No, I won't be making a dozen of them to hand out at Gallifrey One, as per my Mad Pocket Watch Project (aka the Eighth Doctor's pocket watch) of 2007, but if I can make two of them, I'll donate one to the convention's charity auction in 2008. Right now, a lot is hinging on access to a friend-of-a-friend who owns a laser etching machine...

And speaking of Gallifrey 2008 favors, no, the Yoyo of Rasillon has not been abandoned - but it is being re-costed, as the budget wonks are prone to saying...

Boozepost: WTF?

2007-07-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

Marilyn. Manson. Brand. Absinthe. Seriously, WTF?

Seriously, that's it. Total commercialization has arrived.

Even the dam' email trying to sell the stuff to me couldn't get too worked up about it. "Made with real herbs" was the only - slightly desparate - selling point, besides the name of an increasingly overrated musician.

I gotta go dare one of the absintheurs over at WS into trying the stuff...

Passing Thoughts on Doctor Who

2007-06-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

I have a theory.

I think Russel T. Davies and Julie Gardner have a bet on as to how far they can push matters before some bureaucratic shmuck in London rings them up and says "Er, did we ask for Queer as Timelords?"

Because there is no way you can't tell me that the telephone conversation between the Master and the Doctor in The Sound of Drums wasn't oozing subtext/gay agenda/sheer slashy fun - whatever folks are calling it, these days.

I, for one, am not complaining. But I'm a pervert at heart and probably not a representative sample of the viewing public at large. I was, however, a very happy pervert, last Saturday night. Heh.

On a more serious note, John Simm has managed to win me over as the Master, which has surprised me. I was quite leery of the OTT-ness of it all, at first - during the closing minutes of Utopia - but it became clear during The Sound of Drums that he's balancing the performance rather nicely between the aforementioned OTT-ness and apparently-normal-but-still-insane. It's no mean feat. I'm quite impressed and I can't wait for next week's episode.

Friday Night Insanity*.

2007-06-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

Ahh, Scientologists and their fear of potatoes.

I love The Now Show but dammit, why did the Beeb decide to pull the podcast? What am I going to giggle at madly on the Monday morning train, now?

In other news, my husband is enabling my insanity: blinged-out sonic screwdriver. I draw the line at his suggestion of a Swarovski'd-out K9.

* I blame a combination of Welsh lessons, a 90F house and a glass of wine...

Boozepost: Lucid Absinthe

2007-06-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

My bottle of Lucid absinthe has finally arrived. I somehow managed to wait a whole day before cracking it open. I must have been exhausted by the spat I got into with UPS regarding their inane delivery policy and the hoops required to pick something up in the evening. Anyways...

Lucid's color is on the yellow end of a middlin' peridot. It's certainly not as vibrant as Ted Breaux's other offerings (the rightly famous and incredibly tasty Jade absinthes) but it's a natural color and I'll take that over the scope green of some crapsinthes, any day. There seemed to be a bit of haze - and for once, that wasn't my lousy glass-cleaning habits coming to the fore, as I've encountered several other reviewers mentioning it, also. I suspect the haze will not be present in future batches - Rome wasn't built in a day, etc, etc.

It's got a nice, slightly floral bouquet to it. Again, not as pungent as many CO's out there. The anise, indeed, comes through nicely, along with something a bit dry and dusty that I'm not knowledgeable enough to name. Gimme a break, dear reader, it takes years to develop an intelligent absinthe palette and I'm only my second year of taking the stuff seriously.

Following various recommendations, I kept it to 1.5 parts water to start, which is quite strong even for my tastes, and skipped the sugar, as is my usual habit. After a few sips and a realization that my tongue was going numb even faster than usual - that's the anise, kids - I increased the dilution to a shade over 2 parts water, and that really helped. The wormwood sneaked up on me, not really making itself known until the second or third sip and then, whoa nelly, a not-too-complicated bitterness wallowed all over the. (I'm sorry if that sounds like a post-mortem of a bad relationship.) It was strong, but not overwhelming, and it lingered longer than I expected, given the generally lighter flavor, overall.

I should probably try it with sugar but, dammit, with one exception (an oil mix I'm too ashamed to admit to liking on this blog) absinthe with sugar makes me feel like I'm drinking a liquid licorice candy and that's not what I want during l'heure vert.

One disappointment - the aroma of the drink as it louched wasn't nearly as robust as I had hoped. However, it is allergy season in my neck of the woods and I was preparing a very small glass, so I'm willing to consider that the product might not have been getting much of a chance. But still, I'm used to a very rich, complex aroma with these premium absinthes and it just didn't seem to be around for Lucid.

I've heard Lucid described as "Jade light" and there's some truth in that, in my opinon. The color nor the flavor nor the aroma were as intense as the four Jades out there. However, like Jade, Lucid is a well-crafted, very tasty absinthe. I will admit that if you give me a choice between this and it's bigger siblings, I'll go with the big guys, but Lucid can stand on it's own as a good, premium quality abinsthe and one I would recommend to folks looking to try it for the first time.

Now that Lucid seems to have broken the trail, there are rumors of "several other" distilleries willing to follow Veridian's footsteps in offering US-legal absinthes, and I'm glad to say that those businesses will have a good act to follow. I, for one, am grateful that the first domestically produced absinthe since before Prohibition, is a quality product, and one I'll gladly keep in the pantry.

Boozepost - St. George's Spirits Open House

2007-06-13T15:26:00.001-07:00

The below is taken directly from the St. George Spirits newsletter. Enjoy.

***

St. George Spirits Summer Open House, July 14th, 2007

Looking for a vacation this summer that takes you away to a sunny island, but that won't break the bank or use up your vacation time? Then take a spiritual retreat at our Summer Open House and Spirits Camp 2007!

On Saturday July 14th, we are opening the hangar doors, firing up the stills, and pouring all of our spectacular spirits, including the just released raspberry vodka!

We are also going to be sampling, selling, and releasing our Aqua Perfecta Basil eau-de-vie at the open house! A rare and distinctive spirit, it is made from several varieties of basil, including Sweet and Thai. Lots of licorice, fresh fennel, and sweet grassy notes give you the pure essence of the herb. Makes a palate cleansing and refined accompaniment to caviar (sorry, no caviar at the open house), and is perfect for summer cocktails. It will be available for sale starting July 14th for $50 (750ml bottle).

The stills will be running most of the day, allowing you a rare opportunity to see the process up close with a live distillation. Music and hors d'oeuvres will be supplied throughout the day to keep everyone upright.

Also showcased will be our friends from June Taylor Jams (her syrups work exceptionally well in cocktails), and Recchiuti Confections who will be sampling their transcendent chocolate truffles and other goodies. Of significant interest to those of you who missed (or are missing) the chocolate spirits pairing nights: the truffles, spirits, and menus will be available for you to pair up some remarkable and decadent combinations!

Finally, we are providing shuttle service between the West Oakland BART station and the Alameda Main street ferry building to and from the distillery on the legendary Mexican Bus from 1pm to 6pm. Yes, it's free, just show the driver your Open House ticket and get on!

Tickets will be available in the distillery store starting Wednesday June 20th and by phone (with a $1.50 service charge) for $25. Tickets will be $30 at the door.

Saturday, July 14th, 2007 from 1pm-6pm
St. George Spirits/Hangar One Distillery
Tickets are $25 in advance, $30 at the door.
$1.50 service charge added to all mail orders.
No phone orders taken after July 8th.
This is a 21 and over event.
Please bring your picture ID!

***

Basil liqueur? Oh man, I'm so trying that - assuming I can deal with some looming real-life issues that might get in the way...

Zombies!

2007-06-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

...And there I was thinking that the drone of "Braaaaains" was just my coworkers being silly about the upcoming systems conversion. I mean, the month we've had, it's not unexpected. It is Wednesday, after all.

I've got the last set of keys for this floor. Well, LA had a set, too, but she was the first to go. That's what being a receptionist does to you, I guess. I'm locking these crazy motherfuckers up and running for the freight elevator. I got word the UPS guy is making a run for it, so all I have to do is get to the loading dock...

I can't say I blame Paul & Ami for starting it. There's too many goddamn people around here as it is - but some warning would have been nice! Oh well, at least they shared the antidote. I just hope those two have some beer left by the time I get to their place. Looting liquor stores is so tedious.

Upon watching "Blink"

2007-06-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

I state the following as only a college-educated, slightly emo 30-something can. Because my demographic is, you know, educated and stuff...

EEEEEEEEE!

Should I ever be within ten feet of Steven Moffat again, I can't say if I'll kiss him or kick his ass. Knowing me, it'll probably be a combination of both. Which costs extra, just so you know.

Family of Blood/Human Nature still wins my gooshy-sentimental award for S29¹ (and whilst I won't let anyone else hang the label on me, I'm a big sentimentalist) but, damn, Blink was brilliant in a whole other way. Wow.

¹ - Fine. Series 3, if you must.

Lucid: Now Available

2007-06-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

Lucid, the first US-legal absinthe since the FDA got silly about wormwood, is available for mail order from Bargain Liquors in New York City. It's also available at a few other places, all in New York state. No news on when wider distribution will be offered.

The shipping cost is a bit ouchy ($13.50 for UPS ground plus $6 "handling" is the cheapest option) but given that it's booze and glass, there's not much that can be done about that.

Naturally, I've ignored the monthly budget and ordered a bottle. Review forthcoming upon delivery.

An Open Letter

2007-06-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

Dear British PubTrans Websites,

Drop dead.

Oh, wait, you did already.

No love,

- She who is sick of websites that don't feature ticket prices, route maps or, indeed, hardly any useful information whatsoever.

Slowly Catching Up...

2007-05-31T11:42:00.000-07:00

...but I'm not catching up in order, so I watched Human Nature last night, mostly because Paul Cornell is a lovely chap who I won't hear a word against¹.

Excellent eps, and not just because David Tennant is ever so distracting in period togs. I'm told the story is based upon an earlier book, so I think I'll have to go hit up my friend who's got, it seems, every single DW book ever and borrow her copy.

My favorite moment would have to be Martha watching the Doctor say "Don't let me abandon you" and, well, I don't want to get into spoilers on a public post. But it was brilliant.

On a much more frivolous note, had the "watch" turned out to have no hands on the face, I would have laughed up a lung for reasons known only to me and about a dozen others. No such luck, though. Oh, and that journal was gorgeous. Wow. Much poring-over of screencaps is no-doubt being done by the uber-fans as I type this.

I'm glad I only have to wait a couple of days to see how the story ends. If I'd seen this over the weekend (I was off being debaucherous at a local SF/F convention) I'd probably be climbing the walls right now.

***

In other news, (public) life proceeds apace as I realize I've got 3.5 months left on the current job, and so I must get my ass in gear re: finding some get-out-of-admin opportunities whilst my dole money lasts. Unfortunately, some undisclosable circumstances are getting in the way of my original plan, so I'm having to rein matters in and contemplate on updating my skills the all-American way - by taking on a shitload of debt. What fun.

PS. The When is Lucid going to be available to order? vigil continues. So much for by the end of May.

¹ - mostly because he didn't take a restraining order out on me, no matter how much I deserved it after Gallifrey One. *blush* I try not to be too fangirly, but sometimes it gets ahead of me...

Le Sigh...

2007-05-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

Alas, my (apparently last) Pontarlier glass has fallen victim to the costuming blitz. I had to run to the sink to deal with something very goopy and the glass was beside it, on the tile counter. I bumped it with an elbow as I wrestled a can of industrial-strength acetone and you can guess the rest.

The glass was one of two, which would be some consolation but, unfortunately, the second glass hasn't been seen since the last absinthe drinkup I organized for a few friends. I fear it was an anonymous casualty of a guest's tipsiness - a whole bunch of glasses got smashed and I'm not sure if all of the casualties were identified. They're replaceable, yes, but that particular set was a gift from someone and so sentiment is involved. Sigh.

I have some Belle-Epoque-ish thrift-store glasses which I can use in the meantime but it won't be the same. Nothing releases the vapors like a Pontarlier glass. *mutter*

Vicarious Vitriol And Questions Inspired Therefrom.

2007-05-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Here's another one for the Brits out there and, again, it's inspired by taking in the vitriol at HYS.

The school system in the UK: return to the old streaming-at-eleven approach, keep with the current setup (whatever that is, see below), or go for something else entirely?

Don't bother ranting to me about the bane of education that is the ream of standardized testing - you should the craziness going on here in California. Suffice it to say that I know what you're talking about, in that regard.

On a related note, I've noticed that most of the pro 'bring back the grammar school system' rants I'm reading are talking about how it gives smart kids a chance, regardless of their socio-economic background¹, and leaves the not-so-bright to the tender mercies of the more trade-oriented schools are written by folks who passed their 11+. There's a broad undercurrent of 'pity the poor dummies who didn't get to go to grammar school', which I think is a) terribly patronizing and b) not all that accurate.

My father passed his 11+. His brother didn't. Brother joined a major manufacturing firm as a middle-manager, before moving into politics and is now a councilor for a medium-sized city in the UK. I'd hardly call that a failure. Sure, my dad went on to university, but he admits that a degree in something very silly (I don't feel like divulging details in a public blog, sorry) didn't have any relevance to his career after school - it was just a fast-pass into the management track. So I think the "We're so lucky we went to grammar school, yay!" crowd needs to get off their high horse.

New Labour seems to have admitted that the comprehensive system is a washout, but I can't find any clear reports on what they're trying to replace comprehensive schools with. More narrowly focused academies? Magnet schools? It's one of those topics I'm sure I'd have a better understanding of if I wasn't 6,000 miles away from the UK. Feel free to pass along any interesting URLs you might happen to have up your sleeve, dear reader.

So, yeah, just wondering and all...

¹ - a fair point and one I agree with, there. Don't get me wrong on that.

Oh Dear God

2007-05-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

I was cautiously optimistic about Lucid absinthe, even after I (just now) learned that they have apparently substituted neutral grain spirits for grape alcohol in the formulation. I mean, that's not great news, but I'm still willing to listen.

Then I saw their cocktail recipe page.

Some things do not belong in the same sentence, such as absinthe and shooter - as well as crushed chocolate cookie and rim of a martini glass. Jaysis the "Lucid Martini" could kill someone. 1.5oz of a high proof spirit and an ounce of vodka. Mother of god. And don't tell me that such a concoction would taste good, because I'll take out your eyeballs with an absinthe spoon for entertaining such a foolhardy notion. It's a short cut to alcohol poisoning is what it is.

I know they've gotta move the product, but stuff like this reinforces my fear that they're pushing to the over-subsidized fratboy crowd, not serious (or even semi-serious) absintheurs. Notice how they're holding off on publishing their recipes for a Sazarec or a Death in the Afternoon? Y'know, the historical absinthe recipes?

Sigh.

Dear New Labour: WTF?

2007-05-14T16:38:00.000-07:00

I was just enjoying a bit of vicarious vitriol over at the Beeb's 'Have Your Say' area, reading responses to the question How will Tony Blair be remembered?. Be careful if following the link, the bile gets a bit deep in places.

What I want to know is what the bloody hell happened?

I know in general, of course: illegal war, rampant taxation, weirdly Orwellian "security measures", etc etc. But that doesn't seem to really cover it. What happened? The Labour party came in with a huge stock of public goodwill and it takes serious effort to demolish something like that. Sure, they had ten years to do it, but I'm still totally baffled as to how the left blew it so thoroughly. Yes, yes, marching in lockstep with the US rarely goes over well with the old left guard - or anyone else, lately, it seems - but the sheer intensity of public anger... it's
a bit overwhelming.

I can't say there's an equivalent movement happening here in the US. No matter how GW Bush's folks try to spin it, he didn't come in with a ringing public mandate, as per Blair, so the disappointment doesn't sting quite as much. Plus we always expect the conservative element to be heartless, greedy and occasionally criminal.

I suppose that's a big part of it - public disappointment and a sense of betrayal. Lefties, I love us all to pieces, but we take everything so personally. I know that some folks are passionate about politics but, damn. I guess it's that humanistic point of view, or something. We take it too far, wear our hearts on our sleeves - ideologically as well as emotionally - and then cry our eyes out when the inevitable betrayal rolls around.

(Yes, it's inevitable. Cope.)

It's human nature all over, I guess.

But back to the matter at hand, I'm quite shocked at sheer spite and anger I'm seeing - and not just on one little forum on the Beeb - as people share their notions of Blair's "legacy". It's like the guy is being seen off by 72 million ex's.

Absinthe - A Note In Passing

2007-05-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

God knows, I post enough about absinthe that I'm sure to be coming up in some search engines, somewhere, so I guess the disclaimer is overdue.

-- Absinthe doesn't make you hallucinate any more so than any other high-proof spirit.
-- Thujone content doesn't matter. Brands that push their thujone or their bitterness aren't worth your time or money and certainly not your tastebuds.
-- If it doesn't have at least "The Big 3" in it - anise, grand wormwood and fennel - it's not absinthe and don't try telling me otherwise.

Beyond that, if you have any questions or curiosity about absinthe, I can't recommend the forces behind The Wormwood Society highly enough.

Boozepost - Hangar One Chipotle Infused Vodka

2007-05-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I made the trek to St. George Spirits and got my hands on the latest offering in their Alchemy series of infused vodkas: chipotle pepper.

According to the label - and why should they lie? - the vodka has been infused with habañero peppers, red bell peppers, along with smoked red fresno, green jalapeño, and red jalapeño peppers.

St. G puts out a very smooth, clean vodka. Adding all of the above rendered it into something like a birthday cake with a long-fused frag grenade inside - but in a good way.

What's it taste like? Below is my train of thought during my first encounter:

Alright, it's spicy, but not that spicy...Okay, there's a little more heat coming through there as the smokiness gets more aggressive, but it's still nothing I can't hand- WHOA, NELLY!

And then I chased it with some ice water.

Basically, it sneaks up on you - but it's damn tasty, too.

The flavor is more complex than I expected, presenting several layers of heat and smoky flavor over several seconds. It's not an all-at-once sort of thing. Then again, having only had Absolut Peppar in the past¹, I wasn't expecting much. St. George's left my meager expectations in the dust once again.

The smokiness is a genuinely tasty hardwood flavor married into the vodka - no shades of that godawful 'liquid smoke', here, and - despite the stated presence of some of the sweeter peppers, there's only just enough sweetness to balance. That said, the flavors complement each other well, and the overall spiciness was at just about the maximum I'm willing to tolerate in a drink. Keep in mind that I've been trying it straight up - put it into a bloody mary, as per one of the serving suggestions, and it won't pack nearly so strong a punch.

For kicks, I let a sip of the vodka evaporate completely on my tongue and, perhaps unsurprisingly, I could still "taste" it the next day. Like absinthe, this spirit climbs into your sinuses and sticks around for as long as it can. Fortunately, as the vodka is deliciously memorable, I didn't mind all that much.

Alas, I'm not a bloody mary fan, so I'm looking for other cocktails recipes which might benefit by the addition of the infused equivalent of a kick in the mouth. I'm thinking it might be a hell of an addition to a fra diavolo-esque pasta sauce. Whatever I decide to do with it, I'm sure it'll be memorable.

Boring Details: Although I refer to St. George's, above, the vodka is sold under the Hangar One label. Don't let that confuse you. It's, y'know, a marketing/business thing. Unfortunately, like the previous Alchemist offering, the production run is limited to less than 300 cases (or so), so if you want to get your hands on some, you'll have to move quickly. St. George Spirits recommends Caddell Williams for online ordering.

¹ - I was young, curious and broke. In that order.

Yet More News re: Lucid Absinthe

2007-05-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Via the remarkably well-informed folks at wormwoodsociety.org.

7,000 bottles of Lucid will be hitting the shelves - mostly on the east coast - at the end of May.

The same informed source has tried the product, and had some surprisingly good things to say about it - silly packaging, aside. It was described as having a flavor more comparable to JE, rather than JNO or PF1901, which is fine by me, as I prefer the Edouard over the NO, anyways. Just hearing that it can be discussed in the same sentence as one of Combier's better products is a good sign.

I've upgraded my feelings about Lucid from frankly skeptical to cautiously optimistic.

Now I need to make sure that my east coast pals can snag me a bottle. Fortunately, a more-local friend of mine is scheduled for a business trip to NYC at the end of the month, so my luck might be in.

A Green Postscript

2007-05-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

A postscript to my entry of earlier today: I just received a lovely little email from the folks at St. George's confirming that they are planning to do a limited-release absinthe, providing that jumping through all the FDA hoops proves cost-effective. I was admonished not to hold my breath for news, as progress will take "at least a few months".

In other words "We're going to let those other guys break the trail for us, for they are a much bigger company with more money to spend on this kind of thing and there's nothing so valuable as learning from someone else's experience." I can dig that.

I definitely dig the idea of an absinthe from St. George Spirits. Locally produced and priced in USD? That would be exceedingly fab.

US-Legal Absinthe To Hit The Shelves

2007-05-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

US-legal absinthe to hit the shelves in May '07

On the one hand, yay! A grand wormwood absinthe distributed in the US!

On the other hand, boo! It could suck, and possibly do weird things to the market as who knows who else rushes to get a product on the shelves.

How is the product legal? Apparently the canny chaps behind it realized that if they produced something with a thujone content below the FDA limits (and a certain amount is allowed, it's not completely forbidden) then they've got themselves something they can legally distribute in the USA. Strangely simple, I must admit.

The distiller is making claims that the thujone levels are similar to pre-ban absinthe they've tested but the jury's still out on how (or if) thujone breaks down over time - keeping in mind that said pre-ban samples range from 70 - 90 years old - I'm not going to put too much stock in that particular claim. I'm just happy that they're not churning out some swill that promises to get you high - the choice of product name notwithstanding, that is.

The staff at St. George's - from whom I heard about all this - have told me that their proprietor is considering offering an absinthe along the same lines. Of course, I'll try that. Yay for local businesses, and all that.

This Lucid stuff? I'm going to try to find a couple of pals to chip in on a bottle, I think. The early signs indicate that it might be a good product. It's being made by Ted Breaux and Combier in France, which is big chunk of the talent behind the Jade line. Furthermore, the Lucid website is doing a pretty good job of countering the usual myths - no promises of trippin' balz, yo - so there's a glimmer of light at the end of that particular tunnel. I just wish they'd, y'know, picked a better name, and some less-hokey packaging. Ah well, can't have everything - certainly not with the first product out the gate.

It seems that, until/unless the European manufacturers meet FDA standards for thujone content, if I want my Jade (or whatever), I'll still have to bring it over from Europe. I wouldn't be surprised if some brands would meet FDA standards, if only they're willing to go to the fuss of performing all the necessary tests. I understand that it's not a cheap or easy process - unlike, say, shipping pet food in from China. (Sorry, couldn't resist)

I'm sure that I'll be trying Lucid, sooner or later. Watch this space for reviews.

Having Fun, For Once.

2007-05-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

The other day, I finally treated myself to a long-overdue "Wander around San Francisco" day. I do this once or twice a year. I hop on the train, get into town and then figure out what I want to do, depending on my mood, time available and current state of mind. Given that I'm usually quite the control freak, this is a bit of a change from my status quo, but it's necessary. I need the change of scene to energize and depressuirize.

So, after a couple of false starts I...

- Wandered around inside San Francisco city hall, listening to my brain gibber and squeak about what a fab filming/larping location it is. It really is a superbly pretty place. I remember how utterly amazing it was when rented out for the Webby Awards after-party. Intel sponsored an open bar and, man oh man, it's a good thing our dot-com's president got just as shitfaced as we did and closed down the office the next day, on account of all of us being so quakingly hungover. But I digress...

- Spent some time in the Asian Art Museum. Once again, I came away thinking they're a bit heavy on the Buddha, Vishnu and Ganesha statuary at the expense of everything else. However, the exhibit of Japanese bamboo weaving was very nifty. Some of the pieces seemed topologically impossible.

- Met up with a friend for munchies and chat.

- Dropped a startling amount of money at the SF MoMA store - the 2 volume set of loot from the Kyoto Fashion institute was marked down. I couldn't resist. I was really tempted by a framed copy of this poster produced for a Matthew Barney exhibit. It's a still from his film Drawing Restraint 9. I might yet go back for it, next payday. It's on sale, you see, and that image really grabbed me by the ganglia... I suppose I'd better see if I can't get a copy of the film, too...

- Picked up a new converter for one of my fountain pens, and had a fine ol' time drooling over some of the higher-end items in the store.

- People-watched in Union Square, and was made to laugh against my will by someone raising money for the city soup kitchens. Naturally, I gave them a donation.

- Bought a chai for the guy behind me in line at Starbuck's near Alex's office, because he was cute and made me laugh.

Whew.

My brain is thoroughly enriched. The change of scene did me a lot of good - I deliberately shun my iPod on days like this and eavesdrop like a madwoman. I don't hear anything particularly enlightening - in fact, some of the overheard comments were more of the kind to inspire despair for the human race - but they were different from the usual work-and-home chat. It all plugs in to being part of the change-of-scene, so even the despairing stuff is good.

Next time, I'll try to do this on a weekend, so I can sleep in a bit, though - I went in with Alex on the train, mostly because I'm pretty certain the cats were going to keep me awake once Alex was up, anyways.

Doctor Who Reclaims Rightful Place in Popular Culture...

2007-05-02T16:23:00.000-07:00

From "The Backbencher", a cheerfully snarky weekly roundup of political goings-on in the UK¹

"Doctor Who is beautiful if histrionic," comedienne and writer Anna Chen told the Independent this week. "In the two-parter concluded on Saturday, the Daleks take over Manhattan and ruthlessly exploit construction workers on the Empire State Building - a metaphor for capitalism running amok." So typical. When will the BBC stop pumping out this relentless socialist propaganda? The Backbencher noticed that the plot featured a number of "pig-slaves" wearing Winston and Julia-style overalls. Could the corporation be any more enslaved to Orwell?

Yet another sign that Doctor Who has re-entrenched itself in the British pop-culture mainstream. The other most-recent incident (that I can think of) being a little ditty on an eps of The Now Show imploring Manchester United to have an easy win in their League Champ quarter-final, so that Doctor Who wouldn't be pre-empted by overtime coverage. It's rather charming, I think.

In other news: St. George Spirits has released a chipotle-infused vodka. Yes, really. If all goes according to plan, expect a review of that on Sunday.

¹ - I've got to keep up somehow!

TV Trivialities

2007-04-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

Where can I place an order (and have it fulfilled, of course) for several barrowloads of determination, with a couple of pounds of emotional stability on the side? That would be just lovely.

In other news - as I'm determined to not let this journal collapse into a big pile of wibbling emo - I've been re-acquainting myself with the show Spooks (MI-5 in the USA and Canada) and that has been damned good fun, albeit in a rather bleak way. This show does not have any problem maintaining a rather, shall we say, dynamic turnover in the cast of characters. They're dropping like flies, in other words. It's quite the refreshing change.

I'm well into the second season, at the moment, and as I recall, things took a definite downturn in the third season - and became quite dire by the fifth, which is a shame because these first two seasons are just tops. Ah well, that's what milking the cash cow gets you. I've heard that another season will be airing this year, but I don't think I'll go out of my way to watch it. Besides, I've got to catch up with Life On Mars, first...

An Open Letter

2007-04-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Welsh language,

If I encounter just one more congujation of bod, I'm going to scream. I'm not feeling so keen on all these different ways to say yes, either - and I've not even touched the vernacular yet...

Love,
me.

PS, how do I get that tune out of my head, now?

Drat!

2007-04-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

Someone has beaten me to my briliant film idea. I'm not surprised, as it's one of those ideas that is pretty much inevitable.

A shame, as I was rather looking forward to trying to write it. And no, it's not the sort of thing I could do ahead and do, regardless. That ship has irrevocably sailed. If I want to retread well-covered ground, I'll dredge up the ol' sex-and-death screenplay again, dog help me...

Ah well, I guess I'll have to go back to maniacally refreshing the listings over at jobs.bbc.co.uk. The peach of a post-production internship is active again, but in September which is completely untenable for me. I'm praying for a vacancy later in the year...

And to top it all off, I'm out of Hendrick's. Bah. Bah, I say!

Window Shopping. Cures What Ails You - And How!

2007-04-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

I've been in a shitty mood all day for various reasons, none of which I'm about to disclose on a public blog.

So, naturally, I went shopping for sex toys, as a way of cheering myself up.

Granted, I have a different idea of what's publicly bloggable, than most folks.

As ever, I recommend Good Vibrations and Babes in Toyland and places to shop for such things.

The staff at GV's brick-and-mortar stores are unfailingly helpful and friendly without being creepy and/or patronizing, and BiT's on-site reviews are ever-useful.

Strangely enough, I interviewed for a job at BiT, yonks ago (it was an admin job, you pervs) and I must admit I was quite impressed the the espirit de corps of the team. Nice guys and gals, the lot of them.

Regarding the sex toys, I've not made any final decisions, mostly because, my word, the state of the art has come a long way since I paid serious attention to this sort of thing...

2007-04-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding upardonably arrogant...

I'm brilliant.

No really, I am. But I acknowledge that my brilliance is limited to certain strictly defined boundaries. Hence my interest in breaking into script editing and such like. It might sound odd, but I'm a born collaborator.

Why? Because collaborators can refine my good ideas into brilliant ideas and I can refine theirs. It's all frightfully mutual.

I have a horrible blind spot/admitted arrogance in that I can't perceive my own weak spots, but when I work with other folks, we just fuckin' syngergize - and, more to the point, I don't blow a blood vessel when they offer criticism. I have learned that People Other Than Me will notice my bad ideas and shriek "Oh god no!!" far more quickly than I ever will, and I need that. Really, that's very important. Anyone who says otherwise is a deluded fool.

To put it simply, in collaboration, my positive creative energy is multiplied, and my shortcomings are minimized. Unfortunately, I need a venue in which to prove that and it seems that my assurances that I've been doing it for years in LARPS doesn't mean much...

But when it comes the general notion of riding herd on continuity and arguing if a certain action or plot is fitting for a certain character or setting.... Jesus, I've been doing that for YEARS. No, really, I have. I just have to convince the Beeb that the chops I've earned will pass their muster. I believe they will - if I can construct a history for a vampire-ridden California that features Jerry Brown as a zombie manipulating state wide events for the past 100 years... hell, anything beyond that is gravy...

I can do this. I just need to get my foot in the door.

Lovely.

2007-04-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's days like today that remind me that I live in a country founded by Puritans.

Thank circumstance I'm in northern California. I don't think I could bear it much longer in this country, otherwise.

Paradoxically enough, though, I don't intend to leave until I have my US citizenship because, heaven knows, the grass elsewhere probably isn't much greener and I want to keep my options open.

A Note In Passing

2007-04-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've resolved to make my control freakishness work for me, rather than against me.

It'll be an uphill struggle for reasons I won't get into, here, because they're so frightfully dreary. Suffice it to say that as there are so many aspects of my life over which I have no control whatsoever, I'm going to come down hard on those that do fall under my purview.

Mind you, that's not to say that I'm not going to be even bitchier than usual as I go through all of this, but you'll probably be spared the worst of it. Emo and bitchery gets stuffed onto my sort-of-private journal. This one's the public face.

Optimists Are Never Pleasantly Surprised.

2007-04-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed the first episode of the new series of Doctor Who - Smith and Jones¹ - more than I expected, mostly because I think the PR folks dropped the ball with the advance notice on Martha. Granted, I'm 6,000 miles away from the UK and make a point of avoiding most media blitzes - I want to form my own opinions, thank you very much - but what I didn't manage to avoid, didn't make a good impression.

I feared that the Beeb was desperately striving for a 'hip', 'street cred' character and would, of course, foul it up completely because among the many things a bureaucratic entity can't do, one of them is discerning the difference between 'hip' and 'laughable'. Oh, alright, they're getting better at it, but still... So, um, I wasn't expecting much from the character of Martha Jones, aside from maybe a loosely-held together collection of stereotypes.

As it often is, this is one of those times I'm glad to be proven wrong. At least in regards to Martha. Her family, however...

*Ahem*

Anyways. My further thoughts on the episode - such as they are - are on my fannish journal, and so there's not much point in repeating them here. Suffice it to say that I'm glad to see my favorite show back on the air and I suppose that I"m pretty easy to please. As usual.

¹ - it, er, fell off the back of the Internet, guv.

Filmstuff - The Danger of Half-Formed Ideas

2007-04-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

For reasons too boring to relate, I'm compelled to ask this question of the ether: does anyone do found-footage filmmaking any more, or is it all grab-n-go digital weirdness at this point?

Moreover, I don't suppose some enterprising soul out there has taken to digitizing, say, that stack of expired-copyright 1940s educational films that they found in a dumpster behind the Board of Education and offering that footage to anyone who happens to be passing.

I have an idea, you see. One that could conceivably go nowhere, or could cost me a fortune but be a hoot in the spending of it. But it involves getting my hands on a fair whack of copyright-free cinematic weirdness.

Out here in San Francisco, there's no point in trying to dumpster-dive behind the media production places any more. They've either gone fully digital, thus leaving nothing to be found, or the territory's already staked out by some half-starved MFA on the last three months of their grant, and those guys fight dirty.

I've also had an idea fall into my head for a cinematic project but it's nothing I could conceivably make in my wildest dreams and rather hinges on my convincing some large corporate entity that no, really, this could be a brilliant marketing device for them. Like I know where to start with bright ideas like that. Hmm...

Mantra

2007-03-22T17:42:00.000-07:00

Courage is what you do when you're scared.

Recent Realizations

2007-03-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

Ticket pricing for rail service in Britain is a strange and arcane process that I will never understand. All I can do is plan everything 60 days in advance and hope that I'm not committed to going from Liverpool to Bangor by way of Cambridge, or something.

I'm so bloody tired of drinking California chardonnay that I could scream. But the selection of dry white wine around here suffers a severe case of tunnel vision, to say the least.

Pre-Emptive Strike Against Gloom

2007-03-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

Right, then. I'm facing a couple of emotionally rough days (depression! It's what's for dinner! Hang on, that's not how it goes...) so that means I'm going to throw myself into a couple of very silly, very distracting projects, lest the emo get knee-deep.

1) Research travel on the cheap in the UK without resorting to anything that features the words Virgin Trains and/or bus.

2) Research similarly cheap digs in central Paris for one or two nights.

3) Determine which organ I'd have to sell to get an open-ended SFO/LHW plane ticket. I'm trying to leave myself room for options, you see, although I suspect said ticket will cost far too much to be feasible for my vaguely-formed plans.

4) Watch the ten most popular hits for the search term kittens on YouTube.

5) Count the quarters in my piggybank and see if I have enough dosh for a sample of pre-ban absinthe¹. A mere snip at 120GBP for 30 ccs...

6) Research restaurants in Blighty whereat a person can eat a decent dinner and get away for no more than thirty quid per head, exclusive of wine.

7) Fill up one of my fountain pens² with "invisible" (UV-reactive) ink, toss my natty little sonic screwdriver toy into my bag and drive my co-workers utterly insane around the office.

¹ - of course I don't.

² - I have several. Doesn't everyone?

Boozepost - Hendrick's Gin

2007-03-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

When a person thinks of Scotland and booze, said person doesn't tend to think gin - but they should.

Why?

Hendrick's gin.

Ignore the slightly smug marketing materials associated with the product - It's not for everyone; Preferred by one in a thousand gin drinkers, etc, etc. Just get your hands on some and try it.

The formulation of Hendrick's includes cucumber and rose petals which, to paraphrase the cheerfully brash dudes at Liquorsnob.com does rather make it sound like the My Pretty Pony of gins, but damn me if it doesn't work. The stuff's delicious.

Until now there's only been one other gin that I could tolerate, let alone like - Bombay Sapphire - but on the strength of two G&Ts, I went out and bought a bottle of Hendrick's, and have been pestering my friends to try it ever since.

What's it taste like? Well... like gin, of course. Without the juniper, we'd be nowhere. But this particular formulation has a light, crisp, almost citrus flavor to it. It must be the cucumber of course. I'm not sure where the rose petals came in - and I'm a gal who has cheerfully imbibed rose-flavored vodka, real Turkish delight, etc, etc, so I was looking for it - but that was hardly a disappointment.

A late edit: Having just knocked back a healthy measure of Hendrick's over ice, I can admit that the rose flavor is far more palpable. I must assume that it's overpowered by tonic water. Damn, it's tasty. And that's all I can say right now, as the gin was preceded by an equally healthy measure of whisky, 'cause it's St. Patrick's day, or something.

This is a gin to have on a balmy spring afternoon, rather than in the blast-furnace of a hot summer when you're having a mad dogs and Englishmen moment. It's sublime with tonic, and I'm told it makes a heck of a martini but as I'm out of vermouth at the moment, I'll have to rely on the words of others.

I can't imagine anyone not liking this gin - unless your taste runs to Bukov and Pabst, in which case, why are you reading this?

Hendrick's Gin is widely distributed, and can be bought online via most major retailers. Don't forget the cucumber!

Feeling Swindled

2007-03-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

Half a mo...

You mean I could potentially get paid for maintaining a setting's continuity, riding herd on the involved characters and generally unleashing hell on all and sundry when the contributing creators get bright ideas like "Why don't we give the lead an identical twin? An evil identical twin. So what if we're in the middle of the third year and we've never mentioned siblings before?".

I've been doing this for free for years. No-one told me I could earn a living at it!

Right then, how do I translate "Game Master and Character Bitch for LARPs ranging from 15 - 80 participants over the past 15 years" to something printable on a media-friendly CV?

Boozepost - St. George's Spirits

2007-03-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

St. George's Spirits is a distillery located on the grounds of the former Alameda US Navy base in Alameda, CA. The distillery occupies a vacant hangar, which offers space not only for the creation of product, but also for bottling runs, which occur throughout the year. St. George's offers approximately a dozen products, including eau de vie, single malt whisky, flavored vodka (under the Hangar One label) and liqueurs. An on-site tasting room (open daily) gives visitors the opportunity to try most of the product line, as well as a glimpse of the production facilities.

Right, that's enough of the dry stuff. This place is deeply nifty and you need to go there. Trust me.

First of all, visiting it means driving through some wonderful post-urban-blight type landscape - if you're into that sort of thing - which is ever an interesting treat for shutterbugs, students of urban design and fans of dystopian literature everywhere.

Secondly, on a clear day, the view from the tasting room can't be beaten. Huge windows look out past the old airstrip and across an expanse of the bay and the San Francisco peninsula. When conditions cooperate, a sparkling view of the Bay Bridge, Angel Island, downtown San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge can be had.

Thirdly, St. George's makes some seriously tasty products. I'm a social drinker, but a cautious one, with a tendency to try new drinks with deep trepidation and only after some arm-twisting. So it's as surprising to me as anyone that St. George's has convinced me to stock up my pantry with their single malt whiskey, their lime-infused vodka and a simply heavenly white tea and orange liqueur - all of this decided on the basis of one or two tastes.

I wouldn't have called myself a whisky drinker before I visited the St. George's tasting room, and I still don't, but their single malt has won my heart. Said whisky is surprisingly light - says the woman who's only had scotch in the past - and with an almost fruity tone, especially in the aftertaste, so it's extremely pleasant to imbibe. And it's easy to drink, too, so pay attention to the level in the bottle, *hic*. I've only had this whisky straight up and with ice. I think mixing it with anything would do it a disservice.

Five vodkas are on offer under the Hangar One label: one traditional and four fruit-infused varieties. Of the four infusions - lime, raspberry, satsuma (aka "Buddha's Hand") and lemon - the lime is my personal favorite. It has a strong, dry flavor that doesn't muck about, but nor does it overstay its welcome. However, the pink-tinted raspberry (the only infusion that doesn't go through a secondary distillation, as otherwise the color would be lost) is starting to creep up on me with it's rich-but-not-overwhelming taste. Ask me again after my next tasting trip.

There are two tea-based liqueurs available, both simply called Qi. The black tea Qi features lapsang souchong and has the characteristic smoky taste of that tea, and only moderate sweetness. White Tea Qi features delicate white tea, oranges and, in my opinion, beats other orange-based liqueurs into a cocked hat. The white tea Qi is sweeter than its darker counterpart, but it's not overwhelming or cloying. It has only been available since early March '07, but it's already claimed a place on my list of favored beverages - up there with absinthe and champagne.

Aqua Perfecta is the label on the two fruit liqueurs currently in production, and that's a pretty good description, in my humble opinion. The raspberry liqueur is sweet and light with that dusty note that I (for one) find unique to raspberries. It's not as sweet as you might expect, despite the rich color - Chambord, this ain't - but it's certainly sweet enough to have one thinking "I bet this would taste great on ice cream..." The pear liqueur is utterly, utterly delicious, tasting like what every pear should taste like in the summertime. I'd comment more, but a family member tasted the bottle I brought home and promptly claimed it for her own - take that as you will.

Four eaux de vie are on hand - raspberry, pear, grape and cherry. As might be expected, they're all dry, and a fine option for someone who likes fruit, but doesn't want the sweetness of a liqueur. The flavor of the fruit isn't as strong as the liqueurs, but it's clearly perceptible and - because of those dry notes, I think - positively summery in its approach. Again, this is another easily drunk drinkable, so 'ware, overindulgence!

Honestly, I've not encountered anything I don't like at St. George's, just products that I liked less than others. If you enjoy the products of distillation, you're going to find something to like, here. The pouring staff are always upbeat and happy to tell you as much as you want to know about what you're tasting, or leave you be to enjoy the stuff in peace.

If you schedule your visit with the appropriate care, you can precede your visit with a stop by the USS Hornet, a World War II aircraft carrier turned floating museum a half a mile away from the St. George's hangar, or have a rummage through the Alameda Point Antique Fair, which occurs the first Sunday of every month.

St. George's Spirits - website, including directions and tasting room hours. The tasting room offers generously-poured complimentary samples of a approximately ten spirits with the purchase of a tasting glass ($10). Of course, you must be 21+ to partake.

(And if you do go, tell 'em the Absinthe Suicide Squad of the Tactical Alcohol Commandos sent you. I'll let the staff explain the joke...)

Looking Up?

2007-03-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Barring any sudden surprises at the totally unsurprising "Notification Interview" I have coming up in an hour or so, I'll be let go from my job in mid-September.

Don't bother feeling sorry for me, as it's not a job I particularly like - it's not a career I particularly like - and, for a change, I'm getting a good severance package, job assistance, etc, etc. Really, it's the nicest layoff I've ever been through and as this makes five redundancies in seven hires, I should know. Why, yes, I did ride the dot-com rollercoaster. I enjoyed every minute of it, too.

Now it's put up or shut up time. Somehow, between September and March, I need to cram in enough unpaid experience (and no-doubt expensive classes, sigh) to make up for a film degree that left me perfectly educated for the industry circa 1970 and a total lack of any media production experience since 1998.

One the one hand, the digital phenomenon makes things a lot easier. If I'm willing to put down the money, I can have practically the same tools as the pros - my interest is in editing, you see. But that also means the field is getting glutted with yahoos such as myself, and that makes learning opportunities harder to obtain. Never mind how folks react to a 30something admin trying to change careers when what they wanted was a naive 19yr old who'd give them 400 hours of work in return for 40 hours of actual skill-relevant learning and I"m going to change the subject, as I feel a rant coming on...

I'm worried that I'm going to chase the wrong jobs (internships), or learn the wrong information, or just generally screw it up. That's a verbose way of saying scared sh*tless. This whole career-planning thing is a far sight harder than careening from one place to the next like a ping-pong ball, ain't it? But I can't keep on being a paper-pusher. There's no joy in it - never was.

I'm cutting this entry off before it gets emo.

And if you happen to know of a media outfit that could do with a Jill-of-all-editing trades... ;)

Announcement

2007-03-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

Let it be known that Jack Davenport is now on the list of actors I want to put into leather shorts and spank until he cries.

However, it's for sheerly prurient reasons, and not because I hate his guts, which is why I want to do the same to Tom Cruise. There's humiliation and humiliation.

(This post brought to you via a stunningly dull 2.5 hour meeting and the lovely spring day that's taunting me from the other side of the office windows.)

Braaaaains

2007-03-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. My zombie screenplay is stirring to life.

I call it a zombie not because of the subject matter, but because it's a stubborn hunk of college-era material that simply won't die. It'll go dormant for a few months at a time, sometimes as long as a year, and then it'll suddenly wake up, eat my brain for a few days or weeks, insisting that it's a viable project, and then crawl back into its grave.

The story is stalled. The characters are unsympathetic. I haven't even been able to adequately articulate what it's about (It's about power. Great. What else?) Every time I try to tackle it seriously, I write myself into a corner, or identify another half a dozen reasons why I need to load up the shotgun and blow this damn thing's head off. Nothing, nothing positive ever comes from this reanimator routine.

But, after eleven years, I've gotten sentimental about the bloody thing. Damn.

We all have bad habits, I suppose. Mine is flogging dead horses.

I will have to engage my usual process for beating back crappy ideas: re-reading Robert McKee's excellent book Story. Unfortunately, reading this book tends to cause massive bouts of despair on my part, but it's such educational despair that I find it hard to quit. Hm. Maybe that's a positive aspect to this cycle, but could I skip the zombie bit and go straight to the reading?

Mental Notes

2007-03-11T22:54:00.000-07:00

Memo to self: quit having crushes on gay men.

Lo! I Am Like Unto A Goddess! (Or Something)

2007-03-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was treated to a glass of pre-ban absinthe.

Witnesses have told me that little red satin hearts flew out around my head at the sight of the bottle. Anyone who knows me will be unsurprised by this report.

It was extremely lovely, although I can barely begin to describe the taste - rich, with a hint of caramel and mint, and a long finish, with complex bitterness and just...wow. I'm the luckiest gal in town.

Passing Question

2007-03-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

In keeping with my policy of refusing to watch any film the media squeals about until at least a year has passed after the release date, I finally watched The Talented Mr. Ripley last night.

I can't decide if it's very homophobic, somewhat queer-friendly, or both.

It was an entertaining film, yes, but the above conundrum is getting in the way of any further processing, dammit.

On days like this, I wish my film degree hadn't rusted shut.

Another Day, Another Estrogen Brigade

2007-03-08T22:08:00.000-08:00

Well, damn.

I tried to resist, truly. But I fear that all hope is lost. I am strangely fascinated by Richard Hammond. God only knows why.

My mother accused me of marrying a short man so as to avoid having to wear high heels in public ever again - which proves that my mother didn't know me all that well, given the number of high-heeled boots I own... Maybe I do have a thing for shortarses, who knows?

A Good Night's Sleep

2007-03-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

The plus-side of being moody is that one can swing into a good mood almost as easily as fall into a bad one. So, filthy thoughts about various folks¹, and the prospect of the weekend have improved my mood no end.

Just how does a person become a script editor, anyway? I'm sure it involves the words "years" and "unpaid" and "garret optional" but beyond that? I've no idea.

This mid-life career change stuff is a bit daunting. Getting new ideas along the way is not helping. Interesting, yes, but unhelpful.

¹ - this week, it's Ioan Gruffudd and Paul McGann in period togs. Yes, I've been watching Hornblower again. Yum.

Help!

2007-03-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

I'm trapped inside the head of an emo-crazed 34 year-old!

I can feel the whining and self-pity trying to claw its way out. Someone get me a rubber chicken, a gyroscope and a box of kittens, quick!

Can Anyone Help Me With This?

2007-03-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

I need a bottle of vodka, a time machine and a London A-Z.

And another thing...

2007-03-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

Bloody media-match.com can stop sending me alerts for writing gigs for which I'm patently underqualified, too. Dammit.

Ongoing Masochism

2007-03-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

Bloody hell.

The BBC is looking for a script editor for EastEnders.

Not that I'd have a chance in hell, mind you. Zero script editing experience. Hardly any screenwriting, and none of it professional. Very few professional writing credits - even less if one discounts the neopro unpaid gigs. Which is a shame, as the more I read about that particular career path, the more interesting it seems. It appeals to my control-freak self as well as the creative bits of my brain. And there's a lot of collaboration involved. I know my limits - I'm a much better creative-type person when working with a partner, or partners.

Video, text - I seem to be a born editor. Not that my wandering all over the landscape style around here would tell you that. But trust me on this.

Subscribing to the BBC Job Alert site is an ongoing exercise in masochism. I'm 6,000 miles away, short on skills, and I won't know until next week when I'm being released from my brain-killing admin job at The Bank. I suspect that it won't be until late September, but that's okay. Lead time is good.

The mantra continues: get the Mac, learn Final Cut, give up chunk of upcoming dole time to slave for free on other peoples' projects, get a reel together. This is the last admin job I will ever hold, dammit.

And while I'm at it, AfterEffects wouldn't hurt me, either. The list grows...

First and Possibly Only

2007-02-20T22:02:00.000-08:00

Oh look. I have another blog.

I've created this account so that I can comment on other blogs around here, so if I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for content.

Learn far more about me than you probably want to know at skaro.com

*Insert Witty Blog Name Here*

Be Careful What You Ask For...

Oh My...

Consulting The Oracle

Sorry If You're Getting Bored With the Bellybutton...

More Gazing At The Bellybutton...

*Fluff*Fluff*Fluff*

*Insert Obligatory Shakespeare / Momento Mori Quote Here*

Running Away to Sea - Q&A

Checking In... Again

Still Here!

Oracle Reading #3

The Oracle: Reading #2

When Things Become Complicated, Treat Them Simply

*Insert Raging Bile*

*Insert Wry, Self-Deprecating Chuckle*

*Insert Passive-Aggressive Rant, Here*

*Insert Tremulous Political Comment*

*Insert Buddhist Comment About Possessions And Evil Thereof*

*Insert Self-Involved Meta Here*

*Insert Pithy SF/F Innuendo Here*

*Insert Gaming Reference Here*

Not Dead Yet (Bad Choice of Title, Though...)

Gasp!

Blimey. He Did It!

Yes. Still Here.

An Update and An Announcement of Sorts

Why Is This Fun, Again? I'm Not Even Getting Paid!

Boozepost: As Predicted...

Boozepost: Yet More Proof That Crapsinthes Are, You Know, Crap...

Passing Thoughts...

How 'Bout That...?

Considering the Absinthe Party at Whisper in SF? Don't Bother.

Still Alive...

Boozepost: For The Love Of...

Boozepost: All Gone!

Boozepost: Blink and You Miss It.

Boozepost: Star Vs. Green Anise

Boozepost: Blimey!

St. George Spirits - Absinthe Verte Limited Release

A Rare Reference To A Current Event

A Rare Crosspost...

Boozepost: Absente

Boozepost - Yet More St. George's

Still alive

Boozepost: WTF?

Passing Thoughts on Doctor Who

Friday Night Insanity*.

Boozepost: Lucid Absinthe

Boozepost - St. George's Spirits Open House

Zombies!

Upon watching "Blink"

Lucid: Now Available

An Open Letter

Slowly Catching Up...

Le Sigh...

Vicarious Vitriol And Questions Inspired Therefrom.

Oh Dear God

Dear New Labour: WTF?

Absinthe - A Note In Passing

Boozepost - Hangar One Chipotle Infused Vodka

Yet More News re: Lucid Absinthe

A Green Postscript

US-Legal Absinthe To Hit The Shelves

Having Fun, For Once.

Doctor Who Reclaims Rightful Place in Popular Culture...

TV Trivialities

An Open Letter

Drat!

Window Shopping. Cures What Ails You - And How!

Lovely.

A Note In Passing

Optimists Are Never Pleasantly Surprised.

Filmstuff - The Danger of Half-Formed Ideas

Mantra

Recent Realizations

Pre-Emptive Strike Against Gloom

Boozepost - Hendrick's Gin

Feeling Swindled

Boozepost - St. George's Spirits

Insert Witty Blog Name Here

FluffFluffFluff

Insert Obligatory Shakespeare / Momento Mori Quote Here

Insert Raging Bile

Insert Wry, Self-Deprecating Chuckle

Insert Passive-Aggressive Rant, Here

Insert Tremulous Political Comment

Insert Buddhist Comment About Possessions And Evil Thereof

Insert Self-Involved Meta Here

Insert Pithy SF/F Innuendo Here

Insert Gaming Reference Here